I love it

I love those moments when you realize just how much of an idiot someone that's over you at work is. I get to experience this gem. Thankfully he's leaving. 

But the first thing I hated is that right out the door when I got there he treated me like an idiot. I'd be going to do something  and he'd stop me to tell me I needed to be doing that thing and then would explain it for 10 minutes. I'm not a flipping idiot. I hate people that micromanage like that too. 

Then I think I know more about him and his family than he did mine. He seriously loved to talk about himself. Which got really irritating. Especially when I'd say something to someone else and he'd jump in with his own personal story. I. Don't. Care. 

I really didn't care when he could have cared less that my baby was having surgery done and was talking about calling me up to do work while he'd be in surgery. Even if it was a joke (I don't think it was) that wasn't a time to joke. I was already stressing out about it. 

Then trying to knock me for something at work because of pregnancy. And how he didn't get it when I was like "what?"  And only believing it when someone else told him. And in the end he found a way to be an asshole and make my job performance look like crap because of paperwork that didn't go through till a certain time even though I was flipping working there. I regret not being a piece of shit during that time period now since that time didn't matter anyway. 

I'm so glad he's leaving. I can't stand people that are idiots and then turn around and treat you like that too. I have a good feeling he's doing it because I'm female too. I haven't seen him treat any of the males (or new males) like this at all. Not even close. Of course I have no proof so I have no case. 

I also loved when me and another person were talking and the guy was talking about going to birthday parties and buying drum sets for the kids. And in there said "fucking" and this dude came over and was talking about to remember our training. The training he said was training about sexual harassment. How talking about buying a drum set for a kid's birthday is sexual harassment I don't know. 

I really hate that people that are like that make more money than me. It's really irritating. 

Being Disappointed

Remind me never to promise my kids something and not follow trough with it. I hate it and it's just one disappointment after another.


I'm still waiting for my parents to come meet Squirt.


The first excuse was because we were living with my in-laws. Ok, I get that.


The next excuse was waiting until we unpacked. Which isn't completely done but it's done enough, and we don't have boxes laying around because the ones we still need to go through are in the shop/garage out back. So they're not in the way.


Now we were planning on them coming down while I'm gone. Granted, even if they wanted to come down for just a few days. I was excited, it was to help out Big E, and I've been telling Little E that they're coming down. Plus, Squirt will be almost 7 months old by they time they come down and finally meet him.


Plus, it's easier for them to come here than it is for me to travel with a 3 year old and infant and their car seats. We even offered to pay for the plane tickets.


Now we're just getting the run around. Shame on me for thinking anything would change this time around. They always do this. Just tell me you don't want to come down, don't get my hopes up every single time.


I'm getting the excuse now that they don't want to leave my sister and her family in the house that long. Then they'll see how the house looks. I know what'll happen next is that they'll wait till last minute and the ticket prices will double then we'll get the excuse that it's too much money.


Every time.


I'm half tempted to buy 2 plane tickets and tell them they have these tickets and if they want to come down it's there for them. Then see if they bother.


Except we don't have the money for that.


All I know is after this time I'm completely done. Now it's going to start affecting my children. Maybe when Little E was younger he didn't understand, but he does now and it's not fair of me to get him excited to see them because they promised to come and last minute they're not. I guess I can save him from that by just not telling him so, but oh well.


I give up.

I'm so frustrated

Sometimes I like to pretend everything is going fine and that I'm doing well. In reality, most of the time, I'm just extremely stressed out and wanting to cry. I feel trapped and I don't know what to do anymore.


I have a PT test coming up and when I should have been spending time working out, I haven't. I haven't spent as much time as I should be spending working out to pass this. Which means I'm going to fail and then I'm going to be stressed out. We have a treadmill, but by the time Big E comes home at night and I'm done with everything I just don't want to exercise. I'm so stressed out that all I want to do is relax and go to sleep. But even then I'm not able to.


You'd think I wouldn't be stressed out, but I am. I spend all day cleaning and constantly moving.
No one else takes the time to clean, or cook, or make coffee, or do the dishes, or the laundry, or even anything around the house. Everything that's been put away and unpacked is thanks to me. Big E can state that sometimes he does those things, but that's it. He does it sometimes. There's no consistency to help me out.


If I want some comfort. Clean clothes, coffee in the morning, dinner. I have to do it.


And I spend so much time constantly doing something. Either cleaning because our house is way too small and doesn't function. I hate I was talked into this house. This doesn't fix anything we had wrong where we rented prior to this. That place was just as small and had no room so there was just stuff everywhere. And we've brought that into our home.


I hate it. I can't walk anywhere without stepping over something. I can't keep it clean. I can't hide things because there's no damn closets or storage anywhere in this damn house.


Little E has decided lately that he doesn't want to poop in the potty anymore. So I spend time wiping him and cleaning up and washing underwear. And sometimes he pees his bed so that's even more time spent cleaning. Then I feel like he's always wanting or whining about something.


Then Squirt is still dependent so I have to spend so much time taking care of him.


The time I do get to pump for 30 minutes isn't without listening to whining, crying, and being even more stressed out.


I also hate the half finished projects. I wouldn't mind taking my kids outside so Little E can play on the swingset we got, but the thing is half finished. I'm tired of picking him up so that he can go down the slide because there's no stairs. Or that our closet isn't complete (no matter how many times I hear that we're going to do it tonight) so I can't put away any clothes. So I'm stuck digging through piles and piles of clothes to find anything to wear.


The kitchen is a mess. It's way too small and there's no storage for anything.


I just want to burn this house down some days.


Or run away.


Which ever.


There's nothing in this house that makes life easier. I can't just want to grab something and get it. I have to spend a lot of extra time searching or figuring out what to do with items.


I just want a functioning house. I want to have a day to breathe. I want someone to make my life easier.


Then Big E wonders why I don't want to go run on the treadmill (let's not talk about how the shop has a bunch of unpacked boxes too and stuff everywhere). I'm too tired mentally.


I can't do this anymore.


Most days I find myself questioning why I even stay. I just want to climb in the car and leave. But any help I'd have if I did leave I really don't have because other people in the family can't get their lives together.

I hate writing these posts

I hate writing these types of posts because I don't like to whine. Especially because everything happens due to choices you make.


But.


I'm so stressed out over money. I just went over our budget and after what my husband and I bring home after taxes we'll only have about $60 left. That's after all our bills and things like food and gas.


This month is even worse. I did our budget and because of things popping up (like the A/C, we cancelled the plumber) we're going to be $600 short. So that means groceries and something else are going on the credit card. Along with Big E's doctor bills, Squirt's doctor bills, etc. I can't take the stress of knowing we're building up so much debt.


And it's not like we have much to pay a month. It's just that together we bring home $2200/month.


We have no car payments. No student loans to pay. Nothing. Well, now we have credit card debt. Yet we still live paycheck to paycheck.


And I'd love to get off of WIC. I hate it. Especially because we have checks here and where I food shop there's only 1 person that can check you out (I guess store policy) so it's not only embarrassing but it takes forever so people behind you get annoyed. I just want to cry every time I have to go use the checks. And of course Big E doesn't deal with it so he just doesn't understand.


I know I need to find a job, I've been looking. But it's not worth it to go part-time unless I can find an overnight job that I can do while Big E is home. But then it may not be worth it because working at night and then having to be up all day with kids isn't going to be fun.


Plus I've applied to probably close to 100 jobs and been called for 3 interviews but haven't got anything. I can't even get a job at stupid lowe's. It's awful.


I can't wait till January when I mobilize so we can have some more money, but it's only a crutch. Once I get home after that I'll be back to searching for a job all over again. I can't deal with this stress. I just want it to be easier to live and to find somewhere to work.

I don't think more can go wrong

All I have to say is I am so glad we decided to pay for a home warranty.

First problem was the toilet that had plumbing that wasn't right. Big E fixed that. 

Then when he went and knocked the wall out and got to the water pipes so he can hook the fridge up he found out the previous owner must have tried to fix the pipes because instead of using copper he used metal pipes. So now there's a slight leak and it's rusting (which explains the very brief brown water when you first turn on the boys' tub). 

Then a couple nights ago (or yesterday morning since it was 4am) I woke up with Squirt because it was his time to eat and I noticed it was hot, so I went to lower the air and saw it was on 70 (which my father-in-law had to do when he was watching the kids while we were out because we normally keep it on about 73. my father-in-law likes it to be an ice box in his house, it drove me nuts when we lived there) so I thought maybe it was just me because I just got out from under blankets. Or maybe the power went off. So I sat in the chair in the living room to feed Squirt and Big E came out saying he was hot too and noticed the air wasn't working. Then tried 10 times to lower it to see if it'd work. Then went outside. I guess the compressor (?) might be bad. The fan is working. So we were stressed over that because that's more money thinking we'd have to pay for someone to come fix it.

Then I remembered we had a warranty, so we looked and saw it covers the air. Except each call someone comes out for is $75 (unless they fix something and it breaks again within 60 days then it's free). But $75 is better than what we would pay out of pocket (granted, if it's something little that we can just fix ourselves for less than $75 then we'll just fix it). So we called to schedule that (it's 24 hours but takes a day to get your request in) and we decided to just schedule a plumber to come out to fix the pipes. Even though Big E can do it, he's not 100% positive he can do it right so he doesn't want to mess it up, so $75 to know it's being done right is worth it. 

The A/C guy is coming out today but I don't know what time he's coming. I was hoping early but it doesn't look like it.

Thankfully we have 2 window units from when we lived in NY, but the one in the living room is only helping slightly since it's a big area. The other one is in Squirt's room since I worried about it being too hot in his room, and it's working great in there. Little E has a ceiling fan in his room (Squirt doesn't until we install it) so that's why I didn't put the a/c in his. But his curtains are dark too so I have them closed to try to help keep it cool too.

So, yea, we're having a great time in this house. It just made me upset last night and hate this place again. We haven't been able to really do much of what we wanted to do because of the random stuff we've had to replace instead now. And we're already over budget, and will be more because we need to get the shelving in the bedroom done so I can finally put clothes away.

Hopefully we're done after that. and we'll be about $1300 over budget after that's all done. And it barely looks like we did anything.

Yay for home ownership. I can't wait till I can just unpack and not have to deal with these problems anymore.

New home, already regretting it.

We finally closed on our home. It's not a bad place, but with 2 kids I'm regretting it. I regret letting Big E talk me into this one and not the one that was bigger with bigger bedrooms, even if it did have a smaller yard and no shop. I really don't care for the shop (which is probably just going to end up being for storage) and the smaller yard wasn't that much smaller.

We already had our first problem yesterday. The toilets here aren't very good at flushing. Like they barely flush. So we bought a new one for us at least and found out the plumbing was done wrong so had to fix that.

I've seen quite a few beetles in here and a spider which means we probably have to spray.

We didn't notice because there was a bed over it when we looked at the house but the guy cut a TV wire into the wall from outside. So that had to be fixed. Thankfully the cable guy unhooked it (since it's not set up for that many lines) and filled the hole up outside, so now we need to fix the hole inside.

I think the dishwasher is leaking. Hurray! Not really.

The kitchen is small. I'm already regretting it. I haven't even unpacked all the kitchen items yet and we're already running out of places to put stuff (and I don't have that much stuff). I have no clue where we're putting food. And walking into the garage to get stuff is going to get old.

There's no closets (besides the bedrooms) which means no storage. Again, why the shop will most likely become storage.

Plus, the cleaning company that came to clean the house did a horrible job. I really think they just ran a vacuum, mopped, went over the sinks and tubs really quick and any other surface you'd immediately see. When I was painting yesterday I saw old cobwebs near the ceilings. The insides of the cabinets were definitely not cleaned. The baseboards weren't cleaned either. Basically they didn't do a good job. I don't know if it's just because I used to clean houses and if we left a place looking like this we'd have to turn back around and clean it again. But, yea, it's kind of annoying.

Our realtor was nice, but she was only okay at her job. This house is the one we found. All the others she found for us only 1 was in our price range, the rest were $10-20k over our max budget, so that was out. I know that's not much money and we can offer less, but our max budget wasn't much to begin with. And she was just awkward. Like the day before closing we came to check the house and she was going through it like it was hers. We put in the contract we wanted the fridge and the first thing she said when she was in here was "at least they left the fridge" and then when I said we asked them to she admitted she didn't go over the contract again. Then she was looking in the fridge and complaining because there wasn't a light in the freezer side. Like a bulb is hard to buy, besides we bought a new fridge, this one is getting put in the garage for overflow.

Plus I was a little bummed. When my friend purchased her home she received a gift basket from her realtor. We didn't get anything. Which I thought was customary so I was looking forward to it in a way and was bummed when we got nothing. But I guess it more stems from me never getting a bridal shower. Or the first baby shower being cancelled and being told we'll do something and nothing never happened. Or this time being asked when we wanted a baby shower (or meet and greet thing) and I said we didn't need one but being told we're doing one and that didn't pan out either.

I guess I'll get used to it and once the stress of moving in is over I'll enjoy it more, but for now I don't. Plus, it's hard to get the house unpacked with a toddler that wants to make a mess and a baby that wants to be held a lot. Plus I have drill this weekend and I really do not want to go at all.

Again, I need a break.

Oh, and Big E getting grumpy because I want him to bring stuff in so I can unpack. I just want to get it done.

I was annoyed the day we moved in too. It was nice a lot of people came to help, but then I there were the family members that just came to see the house and were in the way of those that were helping move our stuff (like they couldn't come another time to see the place after we moved in). Or they were just walking through like they owned it. Or they wouldn't leave and I wanted to get things done, not entertain them.

I'm sorry, but if you're not going to help move things, unpack, or watch kids while I unpack then you don't need to be here on the day we're moving in. You need to wait until after we're done moving in.

Bah, I'm just grumpy. I'm sure part is hormones and the other is just frustration. I can't wait till we're done with moving and get to enjoy things again.

Is it time to move yet?

Tomorrow can't come soon enough. I'm over cleaning up after 5 adults and a toddler while trying to take care of that toddler and a baby. 

It'd be nice to wake up in the morning and there be no dishes in the sink. 

To make a cup of coffee or set up the pot the day before because no one else is using it. 

Be able to have LOCKS on the doors so my 3 year old can't go outside and bring mud in. Or just run outside without me knowing. 

Our kids can have separate rooms from us so if the baby is asleep then the toddler isn't jumping on the bed and waking him up. 

Not have to use the shower and toilet around toys and a potty seat. 

Not having to climb over things because we're living our of 2 rooms. 2 rooms that already had stuff in it so there isn't much storage. 

Just tomorrow. Tomorrow morning is the closing. And if we get beds or I find our inflatable mattress we can stay there tomorrow night. Even if we don't we just have to wait 1 day and that's it. 

So I've made a list of things we need and need to get done with $3,500. Unfortunately I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that we're not going to be able to change the floors out or replace the tile kitchen countertops with that budget. It kind if bums me out, but it is what it is. 

Instead we'll replace the cabinet doors in the kitchen, move the fridge, build a pantry, fix the areas that flood in the yard, change the locks, buy beds, buy bedding for the 1 bed, fix the crack in the foundation, paint, and fix the lawnmower (which is about $700). 

Plus we need to buy trash cans, cleaning supplies, cabinet pulls, a modem (well I just bought this and it was $15 less thanks to amazon warehouse), I'm sure some tools and other items. 

We do need a kitchen table but I think it'll be a while for that. And a treadmill that we'll most likely get off craigslist. Or a garage sale. 

We do have money in savings for this stuff, I just want to make sure we keep some savings just in case something breaks. And we really don't need a credit card payment due to having just enough in the budget a month for everything. 

Really, we have no play room money wise. 

I know that means me getting a job, I just can't seem to ever get one. And I've basically given up. I told Big E that I'm now being picky with when I work because I want to spend time with the kids and him before I leave. 

I may try to just get a part-time cashier job overnight at walmart or something. Unless they're not hiring for those hours. But this way we won't need childcare. It's the only thing I can think to do if they're hiring. 

But for now I'm just hoping to get a break somewhere. Sometimes I regret Big E getting out of the military since he had asked me if he should or not. I pushed him to. And we gave up living comfortably while being able to stay home with my children. 

Now we'll be struggling. I thought we'd have an easier time finding employment, but that didn't happen. 

But I guess it'll be one day at a time. One day we'll be making more money hopefully. 

Those little lulls

I love the time between my morning pump and the kids waking up, which is rare because usually someone is up before I finish pumping. Today they're still both asleep so I'm laying down next to Squirt enjoying a Starbucks coffee. Big E left to go golfing with his father and brother so it's just us. 

It's just the little things that are the best. Especially when you need the break. 

No wonder I'm overwhelemed

I think I may need to complain just a little.

I'm not that overwhelmed, but I am feeling somewhat overwhelmed.

Just today from midnight on. I didn't get to pump at midnight because I was so tired that I fell asleep just before that (that's what I get for laying down).

Woke up with Squirt at around 3:30am, fed him, then pumped for 20 minutes. Of course Squirt didn't go to sleep so I was up with him.

He finally decided to go to sleep just after 5am.

But he woke up again around 5:30am because Big E's alarm went off. So that was great. Thankfully I put him in bed with us and he went right to sleep again.

Woke up again around 7:30am and got him another bottle, Big E fed him this time and I napped on and off until 8am.

Got up, drank some coffee really quick. Had to call the Dr's office back (they weren't in then but called me back later) because of some paperwork I needed done but don't now. Talked to my unit about my orders. Pumped.

Big E left for work and I dealt with Squirt being fussy for about an hour. Oh, and was able to shove some cereal down my throat (really, how am I not losing weight? Probably because I eat like crap since I don't have time to make healthy options it feels like).

Then Little E woke up. He wanted watermelon so I got him that. Then chocolate milk. All while trying to calm Squirt down and feed him.

Then Little E wanted a poptart. Not ideal for breakfast but something quick because I still had a fussing baby.

Finally got Squirt to calm down enough for me to take out the over-flowing trash, wash bottles, put a load of laundry in, and let the dog out.

Had to yell at the dog because she was on Little E's table eating the food he had on there. So then cleaned that off.

Still dealing with Squirt getting fussy again. Finally gave him gas drops and he fell asleep for maybe 15 minutes.

Got Little E's pullup finally changed, got him dressed and put on sunblock so he could go play outside for a little.

He came in after a few minutes of playing in his sandbox because it's about 95 out today. And, of course, like always, he brings in his dump truck toys that are all sandy and washes them in the bathroom sink. So I had to go in the bathroom and clean that up.

This is all before noon.

I still have to call back the movers advantage people because they called and left a message. Plus feed the turkeys (probably won't happen till later). Feed Little E lunch. Feed myself lunch. And I'm sure an entire slew of other things while Squirt gets fussy too.

This is why I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed. I feel like I'm constantly doing something and there isn't time for me. I don't even know how I'm updating here (thank you iPhone).

Plus add in the stress of us closing on our home in a couple weeks and the loan application is still with the underwriter. It's been there forever. The first time it was there it came back and they wanted a ton more paperwork, and some paperwork I had already sent in so that was annoying.

I just want to move into our home and get it done.

I think we're leaving the floors until we get a bit more money since we just spent a bunch (or going to we owe it back to my in-laws) on a new fridge (the one that's being left is really old so it's going in the garage). I definitely want the counter tops changed, which means getting the sink we want. And maybe getting the cabinet doors changed too plus adding handles,

moving the fridge into the pantry,

building a little pantry (if possible),

Taking a cabinet down that I don't want up and possibly moving it into the laundry room closet area thing,

Fixing the foundation a little (there's a crack in one corner, but it's a concrete slab so it's nothing big),

Painting the bedrooms and kitchen,

Put in a french drain (there's some spots on the land that flood),

Buy a used treadmill for our workout area,

Buy beds (we don't have any, just a crib),

Put backsplash in the kitchen,

Paint the cabinets,

Fix the lawnmower,

and replace the locks

I'm not sure how much of that is going to get done. It depends how much we can get on clearance or sale.

And now it's time to go back to a fussy baby and then pump. Then maybe I can eat lunch.

I'm leaving for Texas

Well, today is Big E's birthday! Of course we're not planning anything. I baked him homemade mac n cheese last night for dinner because that's what he requested. I tried baking a square-type sheet cake today from scratch. I may have to try again. The middle seems a little squishy (the oven here is horrible) but it seems mostly done. When I stick a toothpick in it comes out clean, but it's not spongy-like like the outsides. I guess we'll see when we go to eat it. Hopefully it just means that it needs to just sit and cool and the inside will cook the rest of the way. Otherwise I'll try again but will have to use margarine this time. And a cake that should take 30 minutes to bake takes 2 hours it seems like with Squirt crying to eat, Little E is sick, and having to pump.

I've been dying to run, but it's hard to do with 2 kids. Especially because the double jogging stroller we got doesn't hold a car seat. So I was looking around for a cheap jogging stroller (single, I plan on meeting Big E at the paved trail by his work after he's done with work and we can run together) that will accommodate a car seat and found this Instep one for $99 at walmart (cheap, we can't afford expensive right now).

Hopefully it works out. We used the gift card that Big E's grandfather sent for Squirt being born to purchase it. It'd also be nice to have a stroller that we can use everyday. The Britax bnimble we have isn't great, it's very hard to steer 1 handed.

In other words, we have a lot of strollers to sell at a garage sale when we move into our house.

Speaking of our home, we're still waiting to hear about whether we're approved for the loan or not. I'm getting very anxious about it. I just want to know this place is ours. Plus, the closing date is set for July 11th and it's getting close.

So I'm glad I went to drill this weekend. I was supposed to be in a school but ended up being dropped due to not having an updated fitness test (since I was pregnant, but that shouldn't have dropped me, it was someone not doing their job that ended up with me being dropped). But this weekend we found out we're being mobilized and are going to spend a year in Texas. Thankfully it's not a deployment to Afghanistan (have done that) or Iraq (I know they say it won't happen but I don't fully believe it right now). I'll be able to Skype every single night with Big E and the boys. Big E can focus on school and either work part-time or not work at all. We can save and fix the house how we want it. It'll be nice.

On the other hand I'm really sad about it. Yes, I should get weekends to be able to fly home and spend time about once a month at home for a couple days. But that means having to leave my kids for a year. Especially Squirt, he won't even be a year old when I leave. Especially because that means I'll need to stop pumping and give him formula. I haven't decided yet if I want to do that at 6 months, or just suck it up and start it now. I'm going to miss so much with them.

But, with job searching it's come at a good time. I can't find anything. I'm not a strong interviewer to begin with, but I don't think I'm the worst. Except I keep interviewing with these places and when I mention I'm in the reserves I get that sense that it knocks me down to not being first choice. Especially for jobs that I'm more than qualified for. But with this news I've basically just given up trying to find anything. I do need to still search, we need the money, but it's just made me give up. I excel at everything military, but I have no chance to prove that in the civilian side. I may just give up and try applying for a part-time cashier at walmart or somewhere just for the space between now and when I get mobilized.

Alright I'm being called so time to go.

Expensive or Bargain brand?

One of the things I wanted this time when I had Squirt was a brand new diaper bag. We weren't getting much of anything brand new due to this being our second child, and even then with Little E we got a lot of hand-me-downs. So when I was able to go crazy (we were making more than enough money) I decided to splurge a little on a diaper bag.

I only spent $53 on this JJ Cole diaper bag, but I loved it and anything over $25 is a splurge for me. I'm a little glad I didn't spend more than that, however. (BTW, forgive my pictures, I'm not into taking good ones lately)

I love the design on this JJ Cole diaper bag but there's only 2 zipper pouches up front

The problem with it wasn't size, but that I like to have things organized and in a place. Plus I have a toddler going through potty training and his toys/snacks to carry with us. With this bag, while nice, it didn't have many places to put things, and when I did put all the stuff I wanted in there (a drive to town is like a whole day event for us) the bag was bursting.

There are only 4 big pouches inside

And 4 pouches on the outside (as well as the 2 bottle pouches on the sides)

I wanted something different that I could organize better, looked good, and wasn't expensive. But I wasn't willing to pay for something new because I had already spent so much on this JJ Cole one.

Except yesterday I had to go to walmart for some food items and every time I'm there I always look through the clearance items in the baby section (how I'll miss this when Squirt grows up). I came upon this Babyboom diaper bag for $19.

Babyboom. Tons of pockets

It was good because not only did it have a ton of pockets in the front, but also pockets everywhere. Plus, it looks good and it's something Big E won't be really against carrying.

There are 2 big velcro pockets

Yay pockets!

Plus the main compartment has a small pocket on the side, a zippered pocket, 2 bottle holder pockets, and a wet bag (or what I call a wet bag)

Roomy inside

Plus, there was still a pocket on the back for me the throw my wallet and cell phone.

Yay more pockets!

I also like that the straps are flat so they'll stay on my shoulder better. The only thing I'm bummed about is that there's no way to hang it on the stroller. The JJ Cole bag has clips so that you can hang the bag. I may be able to rig something up though, so we'll see.

When it comes down to it with me wanting to organize things the $19 bargain was definitely worth it. Any diaper bag we've bought that's been cheaper (we also have a $25 bookbag type from walmart) has been better in my opinion. I also haven't had problems with them falling apart.

And I wish I could make a video and upload them for you when I do these reviews, but the internet is only allowed 2GB worth a day here before they shut you off for the day. One day when we move and get cable internet.

This weekend I spent time with Little E by ourselves. I feel like most of the time lately he's ignored to play/fend for himself and it makes me feel bad so I wanted to spend some alone time with him. We went and rode the go-carts and then played on the playground. I didn't get any pictures (I was too busy keeping him away from the boy that was accusing him of stealing his toy and from going down the slide that all the older kids were climbing up) but I did get one of Squirt sleeping this morning.

Enjoy the cuteness

I'm in the process of trying to clean the house today between pumping, taking care of Squirt, trying to feed Little E since that's all I have time to do inbetween, and calling people that I need to call for work. I have a feeling not much will get done.

It must be Friday the 13th

I swear, it must be the time period when children go crazy and don't want to sleep.

Squirt woke up at 2am and was wide awake until 4am, which you'd think we'd be good, right? Nope. Little E woke up at 3am and wanted to watch Cars. So we gave him the iPad to watch that and Big E and I fell asleep at 4am when Squirt did.

Yes, Little E was still awake. We weren't worried, his bedroom door is literally 3 feet from ours and he usually stays in his room because it's dark in the rest of the house.

I also didn't go to be until midnight because I have to pump. So I had 2 hours of sleep at that point.

Then Squirt woke up at 6am to eat again (he's been eating a crazy amount lately) and I had to throw out milk while I got him a bottle. It was previously frozen milk and it had been out in the fridge too long. Mostly my fault because I pre-fill bottles with the frozen (I've been rotating the ones I pumped in April out with what I'm pumping right now) and the stuff I was pumping that day I left in storage bottles in the fridge instead of freezing right away because I was being lazy. So my mother-in-law poured some of the fresh stuff in a bottle that was half full instead of just grabbing a pre-filled bottle. So the frozen didn't get used up even though I take out less than what he normally eats (which is also why I leave a couple bottles of fresh in the fridge because he needs more than I took out).

So did that and noticed Little E was still awake and playing in his room. So we had him come into our room and lay down with us in bed while he watched TV (again, we both were tired). Of course he was horribly cranky because he didn't go to sleep after 3am. Thankfully it didn't take long for him to fall asleep, and Squirt fell asleep as soon as he was done eating.

Needless to say, Big E and I didn't wake up to exercise. And Little E slept in then ate just pieces of bread and milk for breakfast. I don't know what to do with this kid as he doesn't want to really eat anything lately. Of course I want him to get some food so I just gave him bread. At least it was honey oat flavor.

I did weight myself this morning and I weighed 169.6, so I didn't lose anything from last week. I haven't been really losing at all, so I dropped my calorie intake by 100 again. I did it the first time and lost 1lb from that, but it's been a month since I did that and I'm still not losing. Of course I eat the extra for "breastfeeding" and exercising. Also, I haven't been exercising much so that's probably the problem. We did start doing T25 this week since it's a short workout, just what a sleep deprived mother/father needs.

Job hunting is horrible. I all but gave up. I've been applying to at least 1 job a day since 2 weeks ago and have only been called for 2 interviews. Part-time isn't worth it to me because we'd have to pay for daycare and I'd probably be making less than what that'll cost us. But full-time isn't happening. Although last night I applied for a full-time paint position at Lowe's. I have a feeling they'll offer me part-time, though, and I'll have to refuse it. But if I get it that'll help when we have to purchase things for the home.

It's just disheartening when I spent 4 years getting a bachelor's degree, is the reason I went in the Army because it paid for most of my school, and I can't even get a job with my degree or my experience. What was the point?

I'll start searching again in August after my 2 weeks. I may look here and there at what's open, but I'm done trying to find a job right now.

8 Weeks Postpartum

Between last month and this month I haven't lost much weight. I don't even think my body changed much at all. Which is why I decided to start up on T25 and hopefully will see a change in 4 more weeks. Especially since I'll be going to my 10 year high school reunion in August (I can't believe it's been 10 years already, I feel so old thinking of it but I don't FEEL that old).

4 weeks PP vs 8 weeks PP

Squirt goes to the doctor on the 17th for his 2 month checkup so I'll have new height and weight for him then. I have no doubt he'll be huge.

Squirt has been growing so much. He smiles, he kind of laughs, he loves bath time (he can be fussy and as soon as I put him in the tub he's happy). He has been fussy this past week, I don't know if it's a growth spurt or what but he doesn't want to sleep much during the day and just cries a lot. Today I thought it'd be like that but I placed him in his boppy on the couch so I could dress Little E and he fell right to sleep and has been sleeping for a while now.

With Squirt I'm doing some things different than I did with Little E. This time, one of them, I'm doing a bedtime routine even though he's little. I didn't do one with Little E and it's kicking us in the butt now. So around 7:30 every night both of them go in the tub, come out and get dressed, Squirt gets a bottle while Little E gets a snack and chocolate milk. Then Squirt sometimes watches cartoons in our room while Squirt snuggles. Then it's brush teeth, potty time, and a story in bed. Then lights out. It's been working great for Squirt. Little E it's been working somewhat, but he's got a tendency to get out of bed and turn his light on then climb back in bed. I'd say it's because we don't have a nightlight, but there is a nightlight in his room, plus I leave the hallway light on so it's not dark in his room. I'm not sure what to do about it so that he doesn't keep turning his light on (we go turn it off and he'll eventually turn it back on, we constantly do this).

Job searching has hit a dead end. I've been applying for everything from cafeteria cook at the school to manager positions and have got nothing. I'm avoiding the minimum wage jobs right now, but we'll see, I may have to take them. It's always reassuring to know I went to college for 4 years to get a bachelor's degree and it's not helping me at all to get a job. Neither is my military experience. So much for it all.

Little E has been doing well with potty training. Except pooping, he doesn't want to poop in the toilet for some reason and he doesn't get all the pee either, but he gets most of them.

Our home we're waiting patiently for the loan approval. We're excited to finally move next month into our own place and have been constantly looking at things we want to do in there. Even though the house doesn't need anything done to it we're just wanting to do some things to it for ourselves. But we could move in and not have to change anything.

We can't wait.

I've been lucky in life

I have to tell myself that from time to time as I have a place to live with my family (though it's not our own), we're fed, and we're healthy.

When Big E left the Army to pursue a career somewhere else in the civilian world and to move closer to family we had high hopes that everything would turn out fine and we would get all we wanted. Months later and he still hadn't had a job offer, besides going for the Game and Fish Commission. He was doing well there and a family friend that works for them had told us he was slotted for a spot.

Imagine our disappointment when he got a rejection notice (which the friend thinks someone higher up wanted their friend there and it kicked Big E out of his spot). I cried about it for a few days. Which, now that I look at it it wasn't that serious, but after getting our hopes up for this job we were dropped on our butts. Plus, I just had Squirt the week prior so I'm sure some hormones were in play.

Part of me was sad that Big E didn't get to do the job he had dreamed of doing since he was little. The selfish side of me knew this meant Big E was going to go to school and possibly take a lesser paying job. Which he finally found that lesser paying job that he started last week, and he may be going down to part-time once school starts. Knowing that upset me as I was looking forward to spending at least the first year at home with Squirt, but now I knew I would have to find a job, it added a lot of stress to me as I wasn't looking forward to dealing with that plus getting back into shape.

I had lucked out, once Little E was 6 months old I was able to be a stay at home mom to him and we had been through a lot together. I guess I was looking forward to being there for Squirt too and learning his personality. Besides, these past few weeks are making me wonder how I was working from 7 weeks to 6 months with Little E. Squirt's been very fussy until about 1-2am every single night so I've been exhausted.

But every good thing must end I suppose. So back to work I will go (if I ever get offered anything). It's been a rough market for veterans here (Big E only has his current job because his dad's friend knows the boss), even applying for a job with the VA to work in the cemetery it states that preference will go to current workers with the VA and then veterans that aren't employed currently with the VA. Yes, because God forbid the VA should actually hire veterans.

So, besides that we have had great luck.... Hopefully. We've been able to put in an offer on a home and it was accepted. It's a small home, but it'll fit our needs, and it'll be ours. I'm just praying nothing happens with the loan, especially since Big E just started at that job and all I have for income is my drill pay right now.

Our soon to be new home

If all goes well we'll be moving in the middle of July. I'm just holding my breath until then, and hoping I'm able to get a job by then so that we can have a little more money to do our long to-do list on the home or be able to have extra spending money for the family.

I just hope we're not getting in over our heads with this home.

That just shows me that the Game and Fish job wasn't meant to be. We would have been a couple hours from family and had to find a home to buy as well as having a newborn without any help. Plus, the home we're buying is a wonderful home and I'm excited to move into it.

Keeping up-to-date

As I lay beside my husband and newborn who are sleeping at 4:30am I have nothing but a ton of things on my mind. 

Pumping milk is going okay. It's hard, especially since the size breast shields I have are too big so my boobs feel bruised. Until the new, smaller size comes in on Friday I'm pretty much stuck pumping what I can with the bigger ones. But once the correct size comes in I'm hoping to be able to increase my output. Right now I'm either making exactly what he needs or under it so we end up supplementing with formula. 

Although I don't mind the formula (and I've contemplated numerous times about switching) it's frustrating not being able to pump enough even though I'm putting in all this effort. Especially size I baked milk cookies last night. 

On the other front, Big E is finally starting his job today. It runs from 11am until 7pm most days (though they sometimes go over). It's a much nicer schedule than the army. At least we'll see him in the morning and some at night before Little E goes to bed. The army Big E would go in at about 5:30am (before Little E and I would wake up) and he wouldn't get off most the time until about 6pm or later. It got frustrating. 

We also had somewhat good news too. We got pre-approved for a home loan and that means we can start looking. Our range is $70k-$100k. Of course I think we want to stick mainly in the $80k-$90k range. We found one nice house but eventually I'd want to change some things out. Plus there's not many windows, which I'm iffy about, but it's not a horrible house. It's definitely within our range. 

Also, one part of me is desperate to just buy a house now and the other part knows not to rush into the first house we see. I'll be happy when we do move into our own place, though. It'll be nice to have our own space finally. 

The idea has also made me start searching for a job again. If only my course for the army wasn't getting in the way right now. I'm just hoping I don't get an interview while I'm away there. But we could just squeak by with Big E's pay and my drill pay, I would just like somewhat of a cushion with our income. It'd help more if I could find either an overnight shift or weekend only if I do part time. Otherwise we have to make sure it's worth it for me to work full time and send the kids to daycare. Little E is already going to cost about $500/month for daycare with preschool included. Which isn't bad, I'm just worried about how much Squirt is going to cost us. I'll have to find a few places and their rates. 

Alright, so it's 5am now and I need to get some sleep before everyone starts waking up again. 

I spoke too soon: breastfeeding was a bust

After feeling overwhelmed and spending 2 hours last night in the bathroom crying I have finally given up breastfeeding. When I posted last week I was still trying, but something snapped last night. I was feeding Squirt in the middle of the night and I just couldn't deal with it. So I put him down on the bed and hid in the bathroom. Of course that left poor Big E to take care of him and make him a bottle of formula. 

I didn't even care to come out while listening to my baby cry because he was hungry. Or that I didn't finish feeding him. 

It's more than just having to hide out while I fed him. Or that I was the only one feeding him. Even though those contributed. 

So today I woke up after Big E let me sleep in (finally!) and pumped. And I've been pumping all day either right before or after Squirt ate. Then fed him what was pumped in a bottle. I felt happier all day (no dealing with nipple shields or a baby wanting to nurse for hours on end). I didn't even have an urge to want to breastfeed him anymore. 

This may work out. 

Either way he was going to have to start really taking bottles anyway since I'll be going away with the military next month and the month after. 

I'll probably start to slowly wean him. I haven't decided if I want to pump at night or just give him formula at night. Either way we need to switch because I definitely didn't get close to enough milk pumped for when I'm away. And I really don't think it's worth the stress trying to build a supply back up when I get home. Especially if I'm still looking for a job (which I most likely will be). 

So anyone in the same boat wanting to make the switch, you're not alone. No matter what anyone says about how you feed or raise your baby, in the end your sanity and happiness is what matters. Your baby deserves a happy mother. 

1 month update and postpartum

Squirt's past week of life has been highly challenging. He's been on what I like to call a "feeding frenzy." Basically he's been eating what feels like nonstop lately and it's been difficult. A lot of days I sometimes wonder why we had a second (I still love him and don't wish otherwise, just missing sleep). Height and weight I don't have since the pediatrician here only does a 2 week and 2 month appointment so I can't update on those other than saying he's gotten big. He is officially in size 1 diapers and 0-3 month clothes now. It makes me a little sad in that crazy mother way, but I'm glad he's growing. And he's more alert lately. He's started staying up more and looking around at things. Granted he still sleeps a lot, but he's becoming more focused. 

One month postpartum. I've begun working out. Running and arm exercises  it feels great too. Postpartum bleeding is pretty much gone. I sometimes get some spotting but barely. It's better than after Little E where I bled for 6 weeks straight. 

I am still breastfeeding, I think I was just worn out from no sleep and having to sit alone so much that I had a breakdown. And, honestly, I feel as if everyone forgets I just had a baby and will be emotional or I'm just too tired/hurt to want to cook (or do anything else for that matter). Add in the stress of now having to find a job and I have a tendency to lose it sometimes but have to try to act normal it feels like.

Which is why I feel I'm missing where we used to live with the military. The weather was horrible most of the time but we were financially stable so we could do things, we had no one around to help but I dealt with that because I had my independence, and most of all we had our own place to live with enough room to do it. I'm just missing that part of our life lately. 

My stomach still looks rounded, which is a bummer. I did start wearing shapewear this past week. I just got a cheap $15 brand from walmart so when I need a size smaller I won't spend more than $30 total. I did get a generic postpartum binder but it bunches up in the back and isn't very comfortable so I just wanted something different. That should help my muscle separation some (even though it's maybe 1 finger width now). 

If you look at my postpartum pictures I'm definitely improving. 

17 hrs PP vs. 4 weeks PP

Weight loss

Current: 172.4

Total lost: 23.6

To go: 22.4

I finally lost more than I need to go. 

Jalee

3 weeks postpartum

Wow I can't believe it's been 3 weeks already. Yes, it's not that long but it is with a baby. 

Squirt is doing good. Though he likes to wake up around 3am and stay awake for 3 or so hours. And he doesn't seem to want to stop eating ever. 

Speaking of eating, I'm done breastfeeding. I kind of don't want to stop, but I do. I'm just tired of having to hide in a bedroom most of the day while I feed him. Not to mention it's an extremely messy bedroom with little room to move around because of 3 of us living in 1 room. Plus the constant eating. I feel like I feed him for an hour or more at a time and he's still hungry. And it still hurts some even though his latch is fine and he doesn't eat without a nipple shield (which is probably what's causing the pain since it feels like I've been rubbed raw). 

I'm just done feeling like I can't even fit in a shower. I guess things would be easier if we lived in our own place, but we don't. Add in that I'll be starting to wean in about 2-3 weeks anyway. I don't think I'll be able to go to training and come home then try to build my supply again. I don't think I'll have time to pump while I'm there so I'd have to temporarily wean, Squirt would need to be supplemented while I'm gone, and I'd have to build my supply up again when I got home.

I feel like I'm just constantly full of excuses but I can't deal with the stress anymore. I'm just happy I made it this long. 

Now I just have to figure out how to wean him. Maybe drop a feeding a day for a couple days and then drop another one. 

Anyway, postpartum. I'm seeing my stomach going down a little, but not much. Breastfeeding isn't doing anything drastic in the weight loss area from when I was formula feeding Little E. I actually pulled out the pants I bought for after Little E (I bought size 12 to start, then each size down after that till I fit my prepregnancy jeans again) and I'm just fitting in the size 12. So it's really not doing much. 

I did jog once so far this week. It was more like a shuffle and I walked when I wanted to for half a mile. But I felt great so I may do it again. I can't believe how bad of shape I'm in, but I have to start somewhere again. 

Weight tracker

Lost: 176.4lbs

Total: 19.6lbs

To go: 26.6lbs

No pictures this week, sorry. 

Jalee

Weight gain in pregnancy

I'm writing this to tell those mothers that seem to gain a lot of weight while pregnant no matter what they do to just ignore those who tell you otherwise. 

When I was pregnant with Litte E I worked out for an hour 5 days a week (I even ran until 17 weeks when it started to hurt). I ate well and I even cut things out of my diet. I gained 40lbs by the time I had him at 36 weeks. 

With Squirt I gained 46lbs even though I was active and I watched what I ate. 

Is it frustrating? Yes, especially since I'm used to always being in shape. I run, bike ride, etc when not pregnant. Even Little E loves going running or bike riding with me because I did so often with him (when he was old enough). 

I did, however, end up back into my size 4 jeans again after a few months of Little E being born, so I know I can lose the weight again. 

What gets to me are the ones that make it seem like if you exercise and eat right you shouldn't gain much weight. I'm here to say that that's not always the case. Everyone's body reacts differently to pregnancy and birth. Heck, I would have loved to have had a 30 minute birth like some people, but I'm not lucky like that. 

If you're one that's eating right and exercising when you can (when you don't feel sick or tired) then you are doing what you have to. You can get back into your prepregnancy jeans again. You can lose the weight. 

Quit stressing yourself out about something you only have so much control about. Enjoy your pregnancy, soon you'll have a newborn and will be tired but enjoying life. 

Jalee

Hospital bag: what I did/didn't use

Weeks before Squirt was born I had packed a hospital and diaper bags if you remember this post. I packed based on what I had found on other sites as well as what I remembered from the first time. Now I'm going to show what I didn't use that I packed and what I had wish I used.

The list from the hospital bag:

1. Always infinity heavy pads

2. Nursing cover

3. 4 sets of disposable breast pads

4. Lanolin

5. 2 sets reusable breast pads

6. Flip flops

7. Wallet and cash (for vending machine)

8. Small pouch with hair ties, bobby pins, 2 sizes of headbands, hair clip, chapstick, and lotion

9. Toothbrush and toothpaste

10. Hairbrush

11.Q-tips

12. Vaseline (for dry lips and skin if the lotion or chapstick isn't working)

13. Deodorant

14. Ponds face lotion

15. Heading home clothes (t-shirt and pants with a small stretchy band for early pregnancy)

16. PJs for hospital stay

17. Postpartum wrap

18. Underwear (that I can throw out)

19. 1 nursing tank and 1 regular tank (cheaper and I can turn it into a nursing tank)

20. Socks

21. Nursing bras

22. Slippers

23. Gum

24. Shower supplies (face wash, body wash, shampoo/conditioner, travel body puff)

25. Night time nursing bras

 

What I didn't use:

1. Pads: I ended up using the ones in the hospital (I asked for smaller size than the diaper kind). I did use 1 of my own pads for going home since it was a 30+ minute ride. So maybe pack 1 or 2 of your own.

2. Nursing cover: too awkward to add into trying to learn to breastfeed plus you can just ask people to leave. And I didn't care. I also wore a nursing tank under my shirt so not much was showing.

3. Disposable breast pads: I didn't leak at all in the hospital and I don't now (I use reuseable ones when I use lanolin now because it'll stain your clothes otherwise). If anything bring a set of washable ones in case.

8. Hair clip, chapstick, and lotion: I didn't need them this time. I did need the chapstick and lotion in the first hospital though, so you may need it.

11. Q-tips: I don't even know why I bothered with these

12. Vaseline: again, useless (though I could have used it during my first birth)

15. Pants: thankfully I thought to pack some maternity yoga pants the day of, because I didn't even feel like trying to put on pants, I just wanted to be comfy

17. Postpartum wrap: I honestly don't even use it now. I've worn it maybe 5 days.

18. Underwear: again, something I didn't even put on until I went home. You can just pack 1 or just forego it all together and use the mesh to head home in.

20. Socks: The day I went to the hospital I went in flip flops so I didn't even have sneakers to wear socks with

23. Gum: I didn't even bother with it.

 

So out of 25 items I brought I used only 14 of those items while in the hospital. Though there are a couple that I used when heading home, but they weren't desperately needed to go home in.

 

Out of the diaper bag I had packed:

 

1. Stroller straps and shoulder strap (they came with the diaper bag)

2. Binkies (AKA Pacifiers)

3. Pacifier strap

4. Hand sanitizer

5. Travel baby wipes

6. 2 size 1 diapers

7. 2 newborn size diapers

8. Cloth wipes (for covering boy parts during diaper changes)

9. Changing pad

10. Heavy blanket

11. Light blanket

12. 2 receiving blankets (for spit-up or whatever happens)

13. Muslin swaddle blanket

14. Wet bag (usually for cloth diapering but since we're not doing that as of yet this time I use them for dirty clothes)

15. 2 bibs (Little E constantly spit-up and I'd forever be changing him if he didn't wear a bib)

16. Winter hat

17. Gloves

18. 2 pair socks

19. 0-3 month sleeper

20. 0-3 month outfit

21. 0-3 month romper

22. Newborn sleeper

23. Newborn outfit with coat.

 

And since it'll be easier, what I did end up using:

 

12. Receiving blankets: used to cover him in his car seat

21. 0-3 month romper: he could fit NB size but wasn't too awkward in 0-3 month. We used the romper to bring him home in since it was hot outside and it was easy to dress him in. 

23. NB outfit: We didn't use the coat but we used the outfit to dress him in for pictures at the hospital.

You'll steal the diapers and wipes from the hospital anyway so you'll have some for the ride home. If anything a second outfit just in case.

As you can tell I could have fit everything in 1 bag and saved having an extra to carry down.

 

What I wish I had brought, however, was something else to wear in the hospital. I had cheap PJs from walmart and they weren't too comfortable. Something to sit on, Big E ended up bringing a boppy from home when he ran there so that I had something to sit on. Hospital beds aren't the greatest, even though mine had an inflatable pillow built in. Add someone that just took a beating on the end you sit on and it's not comfortable at all. I was in so much pain I was hunched over. The first night home was pure bliss compared to that. Bath towel the ones at the hospital were like a hand towel that it didn't do much.

 

 That's pretty much it for what I wished I had brought to the hospital. I'm not a very picky person and I deal very well with little, so if you like comforts than your list may be different than mine. This is just the bare minimum it seems like to me.

Jalee

2 week postpartum update

Week 2 has been fun to say the least.

Squirt had his 2 week checkup and is doing well. He wasn't up to his birth weight (8lb 11oz) but was close at 8lbs 10oz. He also grew 1/4" up to 21.5" long. I'm excited for my growing baby.

His sleeping is getting somewhat better. He's spent a few nights sleeping well (waking up every 3-4 hours, which is a nice change from Little E since he woke up every 2 hours until about week 6). He does have his moments where he wants to constantly eat for hours at night. I have a feeling I'm not producing much milk at night, I may have to start waking up at night and pump to get my supply to increase. He doesn't have this problem during the day with eating.

He's also been more awake. He still sleeps a lot, but he's spending more time awake and aware of his surroundings. I also swear that he smiles sometimes, but I doubt it since that takes till about 6 weeks usually.

Little E just celebrated his 3rd birthday.I can't believe it's been 3 years since the day he was born. He's getting so big. We built him a sand box (found plans on pinterest but we braced it better than them so it won't fall apart) and he loves it

Little E's sandbox

He also has a little stuffed pony doll that he has become attached to. He carries it everywhere and talks to it. When it comes to Squirt he's been great with him. I'm very proud, especially because I get worried that he's going to get jealous since I spend so much time feeding Squirt.

Big E didn't get the dream job he was trying for. He supposedly had it (a family friend works there and checked up on it) and then he didn't. The only guess is that someone higher up had a friend going for the job that didn't make it at first so the person wanted their friend there and it kicked him out of his slot. That just means it wasn't meant to be. So tomorrow he has an interview with the railroad and supposedly a security job is going to contact him. We're hoping something comes along. Especially one I'm applying for with the school here since I qualify. Which would be great since it doesn't start until August.

On my front I'm doing well. My pain has gone away. Breastfeeding is getting easier, but I don't think I'm producing enough at night. I've been pumping and am down to needing 284.5oz to store for the weeks I'm gone in June. I've decided to breastfeed until I go away in June and then I'll reevaluate what I want to do after that, whether that's switch to formula or continue breastfeeding or pumping. I'll have to see how the course is and if I can keep up pumping there so my supply doesn't tank.

My weight has been going down. In my picture from last week and this week I look less round but I still have work to do on weight loss.

1wk pp/ 2wk pp

It's a little depressing seeing my body like this since I'm used to being in shape, but I've lost the weight before. And when I look at my 2 week postpartum picture from Little E and the one from Squirt I'm doing better this time.

2wks pp Little E / 2wks PP Squirt

Exercise I haven't done much. Was planning to start a very easy jog/walk exercise this week (jog 30 sec and walk 2-5 min for 30 min) but the weather or just the timing hasn't been great. Will maybe try to start it on Monday.

Current weight: 177.5 (total loss: 18.5lbs)
To go: 27.5lbs

Jalee

One week postpartum update

Even though 1 week postpartum was Thursday and I'm late on this I still want to update. I really wish I had measured my waist before I had Squirt and after, but I don't have a measuring tape to do so. Or I did have one at some point but it's disappeared.

Postpartum this time around has been a little more difficult, though I think the birth was easier. I ended up with an episiotomy, which didn't seem to bother me much after. The worst was the cramps after. I still had some cramping a couple days ago that would be horrible at night to the point I needed to take 600-800mg of Motrin to deal with. Which is really weird for me because I have a pretty high pain tolerance. But since I wasn't running a fever I didn't call the doctor or go to the ER.

Breastfeeding has been going ok. He hasn't figured out how to latch on still so I'm having to use a nipple shield, which makes having to feed him in public a little more annoying but not impossible. I hope he eventually gets the hang of it. I did begin pumping to try to get a storage before having to leave for 2 weeks in June. I figured I'm going to need about 336oz of milk, and so far I'm at 18.5oz with pumping twice a day. I'm hoping to start getting more at once.

Body-wise I feel like I'm shrinking a lot faster than I did the first time. But I'm still pretty big.

38 weeks pregnant

I know some of it is the weight gain (I gained 46lbs all together, even with feeling sick and watching what I ate).

17 hours postpartum

I'm down to 180.9lbs after a week. Which is kind of a bummer since I was up to 196lbs when I went into the hospital.

1 week postpartum

I need to get down to 150lbs to be where I was at pre-pregnancy. Which means diet and exercise again, I don't think I'm going to be one of those lucky people that loses the weight just breastfeeding.

Tomorrow I'm going to start tracking what I eat. I'd start today but I'm sure the candy I ate already ruined that. Tonight I'm going to start some very easy leg exercises and exercises to help my diastasis recti. Though I don't think my muscle separation is severe since it's only 2 finger widths apart, which is normal enough to start doing ab exercises. I just don't want to push it and end up hurting myself. I just need to start off very easy right now, though I'm dying to go running.

So to keep track of my weight loss and exercise in the coming months.

Current weight: 180.9 (down about 16lbs)
Exercise: Light on legs and abdominals.

Jalee

P.S.
Happy Easter!

Welcome to the world Squirt

Squirt made his appearance into the world April 10, 2014. He was 21.25 inches long and 8lbs 11oz.

He's such a good baby so far, except for the up-all-nighters constantly feeding. But I don't mind. Though we had to supplement with formula 4 times already due to the pain on my side.

Breastfeeding is going okay. Squirt didn't figure out latching so I'm having to use a nipple shield at the moment. We will get it one day however.

Little E is already interested in Squirt and hasn't shown jealousy... Yet. I do get a little sad because due to feeding Squirt and having just had a baby I feel like Little E gets ignored sometimes by me. Just like last night I went to put Little E to bed because I didn't spend much time with him one-on-one yesterday, but in the middle of reading him a very short book Squirt wanted to eat. Other nights I didn't even get to tell him goodnight, I just had to go in a kiss him goodnight while he was already asleep.

But Little E is doing so well. I can't wait to get over this bump and be able to spend more time alone with him. Even if it's just spending time while Squirt sleeps and not spending time trying to clean or feed a baby instead.

For now Little E and Big E went out and I'm going to get the laundry folded, use the bathroom, and clean up the living room a little before Squirt wakes up again. Next time I'll try to update on my weight gain during pregnancy and loss after. As well as what's going on on my side of childbirth.

Jalee

39 week update

Well, here it is. 39 weeks and I'm still pregnant. There was no change at the dr on Tuesday. If by next Tuesday I haven't gone into labor we'll discuss getting an induction. Which, by now I'm fine with. 

There have been a couple of signs of labor, but nothing has come of it. It gets frustrating every day that goes by that I have false labor. I really think that I'll end up over due. 

This is such a different experience than what I had with Little E. Instead of worrying he's going to come early I'm worrying over if every symptom is time for him to come. It's kind if nice. Though the end of pregnancy pains aren't as fun, but I'd rather them than having a premie baby. 

Today Big E is getting surgery so he'll be out of commission for a couple days (it's an out patient procedure). I'm hoping if Squirt does come he waits till tomorrow when my mother-in-law has off and can not only drive us to the hospital but also help with Little E. 

And I'm awake early again. I've been waking up around 4am every day lately and can't sleep again until about 6:30am. So here it is 6am and I'm updating. I'm thinking of jumping in the shower really quick so I don't have to do it later when I'm trying to do everything else. Though sometimes I hate showering. I just hate shaving, sometimes I wish I didn't worry about shaving so much because then showers would be so much faster. 

Jalee

A trip to the hospital

Why do I feel as if every time I make a trip to the Dr. or the hospital it's just a huge waste of time? Probably because it is. 

Last night Big E brought me to the hospital. I had been so nauseous since the day before I have been barely eating or drinking. Then starting from when I woke up yesterday morning I was feeling so dizzy I almost passed out from it. So we went to the hospital to have me checked out after all day of debating whether or not to go. 

In the hospital they just took a pee sample, which if you looked at you could definitely tell I was dehydrated by the color. Then they monitored me and Squirt for an hour. 

It was a wasted trip. All I was told was that I was being released and that dizziness is part of being pregnant. Glad to know that. The nausea I've had almost the entire pregnancy but the dizziness was new and sudden. 

I guess next time I'll just lie down in bed and sleep all day like I wanted to. 

So we left and got some drinks. I probably should have got a water but I couldn't even stomach the idea so I just got a powerade to drink. Then we headed home where I ate some food and came to lie down. After a little while of that and drinking some water my dizziness turned into a horrible headache. So I ended up giving in and taking some Tylenol. 

In the hospital there were absolutely no contractions. I feel as if this pregnancy is going to last forever now, and I don't even feel like he's coming soon. Although I was hoping by today because tomorrow Big E has a job interview 3 hours away so I'll be alone with Little E all day after my appointment. Then Wednesday is the WiC class I was hoping to just send Big E to because I'd have a newborn, but I'll be going to that now myself. And Thursday Big E has a surgery (outpatient so not too bad) so I'll be alone again with Little E that day and I'm sure he won't be up for driving on Friday either. 

It just scares me because the hospital is at least a 45 minute drive away and I'm terrified that I might be driving myself while in pain. I guess I can head that way when it's not horrible and just walk their walking path at the hospital to see where things go. My mother-in-law works a block away from the hospital and she can get off to help with Little E thankfully. 

Otherwise I'm just hoping he either comes today or he holds off till Saturday. 

Jalee

38 week update

Or it would be an update if there was anything to update on. I'm still sitting at 2cm dilated. 

I did have contractions yesterday at 4am but 2 hours later and they were done. 

So now we sit and wait. I went to walmart and got a maxi dress, shirt, and stretchy pants because the maternity pants I have are so uncomfortable. I need something that doesn't fall every 5 seconds. And at least I can wear them after giving birth (plus they're easy to tailor). So I basically have 3 outfits to wear the remainder of my pregnancy. That's enough since we don't go out every day. 

I'm also done with being pregnant. I know Squirt is going to come on his own terms, but I'm so ready. I'm tired of the false labor or having signs like I'll go into labor soon and nothing happening. It's also getting irritating when people ask if I'm having the baby or when he's going to come out. If I had any say I'd go today. Plus I'm not trying castor oil, something that'll make you sick does not sound appealing to me. 

I just want to meet my new little boy already. 

Jalee

Update on Little E

I know I don't talk much about Little E and his development and wanted to take a moment to. It may not be too long. He'll be 3 years old come April 22nd.

Since moving in December he has begun to talk a ton. We were worried about his speech back then, but recently he's been surprising us. He'll say full sentences (even a couple more than 4 words long). 

The other night he found a picture and was describing that the baby was drinking and its mommy was holding it. He does this a lot where he'll describe things in pictures. 

He's showing a lot of interest in things like raising the turkeys, fishing (even though we just put a lure on without any hooks), being outside and just acting like a kid. I really enjoy letting him outside and explore too. 

Plus, I think he's finally realizing a baby is coming. Though I don't think he knows exactly what a baby entails. He does, however, notice emotions. When a baby is crying he'll tell us the baby is sad. 

He's learning his counting and ABC's. He sings songs (though the lyrics aren't really correct). He knows most his colors. He's shown more enthusiasm with cleaning up and helping out. 

Potty training he's probably have down but we've kind of slacked with it. So he knows to go in the potty and will most of the time but he's not 100% trained. Plus he's not into pooping on the potty. I hope when Squirt comes I can really focus on getting him completely trained. Since I'll hopefully be feeling better. 

He will let us know he's poopy and then lay down to be changed. That's how I know he's definitely ready to be fully potty trained. 

And by this summer I plan to start doing some home schooling with him. Even if it's 30 minutes to an hour 5 days a week. I'll make lesson plans for the day and everything. I'm hoping to add those to this blog too. But I figure by summer I'll be adjusted to a new one and hopefully we'll be in our own place. I'd send him to preschool but the free one for low income is full and every other one costs $450 or more a month. We don't have the money for that. Plus they need to be fully potty trained, which he isn't. They won't even accept him if he's mostly trained and wearing a pull-up.

So looks like I'll be doing the next best thing and doing some homeschooling until he can go to preschool maybe.

That's about all I have to talk about. I'll try to at least do a monthly update on him from now on. 

Jalee 

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Week 37 update

Yesterday was my 37 week checkup at the doctor. I was excited going in, I've been having irregular contractions all week so I was positive that I had dilated more. So you can guess my shock when I'm still 2 cm dilated. So no change from last week to this week.

I was surprised, however, when I asked about an epidural (not something I want but I like to keep my options open) and he seemed for not getting one (and going into labor naturally). So that'll be nice not to be pushed into things I don't want. That was my first mistake when I had Little E. I wasn't vocal enough about what I wanted. But I also wasn't wanting to have him a month early.

Monday at my VA appointment went well. I got a call later that day from the nurse that is over all the women vets program. She was having the doctor place an order for a breast pump and nursing bras in for me. From there the company is supposed to get in contact with me so I can get one ordered and shipped. I haven't heard from them yet and I'm starting to wonder if the order was put through or something happened at the company. I guess if I hear nothing by Monday I'll make a call to the VA to see what happened. It'd just be nice to have a breast pump that's my own and not have to buy one again, especially because the one I returned to Target was a really good price that I'll never get to see again. Unless I order from Babies R Us with my completion code right now, but I can't sit on it too long.

I'd get a rental from WIC, but I'm not sure if they'd give me a manual pump (which I bought one since it was cheap anyway) or an electric pump. And I don't know if they'd give it to me right away so I can pump 2 weeks worth of milk before June.

We did receive some good news. Big E got a letter stating that he was selected for the second interview for the job he's going for. Of course it's April 8th and I was joking around that I'll go into labor that day because he'll be 3 hours away and probably won't be home till 7pm or later. But I'd rather he be down there interviewing to get a job so that we have a possibility of being on our own again. Here's to hoping that after the interview he's selected for the job. It'll take us wherever in the state, but we're fine with having to move.

Jalee

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