I spoke too soon: breastfeeding was a bust

After feeling overwhelmed and spending 2 hours last night in the bathroom crying I have finally given up breastfeeding. When I posted last week I was still trying, but something snapped last night. I was feeding Squirt in the middle of the night and I just couldn't deal with it. So I put him down on the bed and hid in the bathroom. Of course that left poor Big E to take care of him and make him a bottle of formula. 

I didn't even care to come out while listening to my baby cry because he was hungry. Or that I didn't finish feeding him. 

It's more than just having to hide out while I fed him. Or that I was the only one feeding him. Even though those contributed. 

So today I woke up after Big E let me sleep in (finally!) and pumped. And I've been pumping all day either right before or after Squirt ate. Then fed him what was pumped in a bottle. I felt happier all day (no dealing with nipple shields or a baby wanting to nurse for hours on end). I didn't even have an urge to want to breastfeed him anymore. 

This may work out. 

Either way he was going to have to start really taking bottles anyway since I'll be going away with the military next month and the month after. 

I'll probably start to slowly wean him. I haven't decided if I want to pump at night or just give him formula at night. Either way we need to switch because I definitely didn't get close to enough milk pumped for when I'm away. And I really don't think it's worth the stress trying to build a supply back up when I get home. Especially if I'm still looking for a job (which I most likely will be). 

So anyone in the same boat wanting to make the switch, you're not alone. No matter what anyone says about how you feed or raise your baby, in the end your sanity and happiness is what matters. Your baby deserves a happy mother.