Keeping up-to-date

As I lay beside my husband and newborn who are sleeping at 4:30am I have nothing but a ton of things on my mind. 

Pumping milk is going okay. It's hard, especially since the size breast shields I have are too big so my boobs feel bruised. Until the new, smaller size comes in on Friday I'm pretty much stuck pumping what I can with the bigger ones. But once the correct size comes in I'm hoping to be able to increase my output. Right now I'm either making exactly what he needs or under it so we end up supplementing with formula. 

Although I don't mind the formula (and I've contemplated numerous times about switching) it's frustrating not being able to pump enough even though I'm putting in all this effort. Especially size I baked milk cookies last night. 

On the other front, Big E is finally starting his job today. It runs from 11am until 7pm most days (though they sometimes go over). It's a much nicer schedule than the army. At least we'll see him in the morning and some at night before Little E goes to bed. The army Big E would go in at about 5:30am (before Little E and I would wake up) and he wouldn't get off most the time until about 6pm or later. It got frustrating. 

We also had somewhat good news too. We got pre-approved for a home loan and that means we can start looking. Our range is $70k-$100k. Of course I think we want to stick mainly in the $80k-$90k range. We found one nice house but eventually I'd want to change some things out. Plus there's not many windows, which I'm iffy about, but it's not a horrible house. It's definitely within our range. 

Also, one part of me is desperate to just buy a house now and the other part knows not to rush into the first house we see. I'll be happy when we do move into our own place, though. It'll be nice to have our own space finally. 

The idea has also made me start searching for a job again. If only my course for the army wasn't getting in the way right now. I'm just hoping I don't get an interview while I'm away there. But we could just squeak by with Big E's pay and my drill pay, I would just like somewhat of a cushion with our income. It'd help more if I could find either an overnight shift or weekend only if I do part time. Otherwise we have to make sure it's worth it for me to work full time and send the kids to daycare. Little E is already going to cost about $500/month for daycare with preschool included. Which isn't bad, I'm just worried about how much Squirt is going to cost us. I'll have to find a few places and their rates. 

Alright, so it's 5am now and I need to get some sleep before everyone starts waking up again. 

I spoke too soon: breastfeeding was a bust

After feeling overwhelmed and spending 2 hours last night in the bathroom crying I have finally given up breastfeeding. When I posted last week I was still trying, but something snapped last night. I was feeding Squirt in the middle of the night and I just couldn't deal with it. So I put him down on the bed and hid in the bathroom. Of course that left poor Big E to take care of him and make him a bottle of formula. 

I didn't even care to come out while listening to my baby cry because he was hungry. Or that I didn't finish feeding him. 

It's more than just having to hide out while I fed him. Or that I was the only one feeding him. Even though those contributed. 

So today I woke up after Big E let me sleep in (finally!) and pumped. And I've been pumping all day either right before or after Squirt ate. Then fed him what was pumped in a bottle. I felt happier all day (no dealing with nipple shields or a baby wanting to nurse for hours on end). I didn't even have an urge to want to breastfeed him anymore. 

This may work out. 

Either way he was going to have to start really taking bottles anyway since I'll be going away with the military next month and the month after. 

I'll probably start to slowly wean him. I haven't decided if I want to pump at night or just give him formula at night. Either way we need to switch because I definitely didn't get close to enough milk pumped for when I'm away. And I really don't think it's worth the stress trying to build a supply back up when I get home. Especially if I'm still looking for a job (which I most likely will be). 

So anyone in the same boat wanting to make the switch, you're not alone. No matter what anyone says about how you feed or raise your baby, in the end your sanity and happiness is what matters. Your baby deserves a happy mother. 

1 month update and postpartum

Squirt's past week of life has been highly challenging. He's been on what I like to call a "feeding frenzy." Basically he's been eating what feels like nonstop lately and it's been difficult. A lot of days I sometimes wonder why we had a second (I still love him and don't wish otherwise, just missing sleep). Height and weight I don't have since the pediatrician here only does a 2 week and 2 month appointment so I can't update on those other than saying he's gotten big. He is officially in size 1 diapers and 0-3 month clothes now. It makes me a little sad in that crazy mother way, but I'm glad he's growing. And he's more alert lately. He's started staying up more and looking around at things. Granted he still sleeps a lot, but he's becoming more focused. 

One month postpartum. I've begun working out. Running and arm exercises  it feels great too. Postpartum bleeding is pretty much gone. I sometimes get some spotting but barely. It's better than after Little E where I bled for 6 weeks straight. 

I am still breastfeeding, I think I was just worn out from no sleep and having to sit alone so much that I had a breakdown. And, honestly, I feel as if everyone forgets I just had a baby and will be emotional or I'm just too tired/hurt to want to cook (or do anything else for that matter). Add in the stress of now having to find a job and I have a tendency to lose it sometimes but have to try to act normal it feels like.

Which is why I feel I'm missing where we used to live with the military. The weather was horrible most of the time but we were financially stable so we could do things, we had no one around to help but I dealt with that because I had my independence, and most of all we had our own place to live with enough room to do it. I'm just missing that part of our life lately. 

My stomach still looks rounded, which is a bummer. I did start wearing shapewear this past week. I just got a cheap $15 brand from walmart so when I need a size smaller I won't spend more than $30 total. I did get a generic postpartum binder but it bunches up in the back and isn't very comfortable so I just wanted something different. That should help my muscle separation some (even though it's maybe 1 finger width now). 

If you look at my postpartum pictures I'm definitely improving. 

17 hrs PP vs. 4 weeks PP

Weight loss

Current: 172.4

Total lost: 23.6

To go: 22.4

I finally lost more than I need to go. 

Jalee

3 weeks postpartum

Wow I can't believe it's been 3 weeks already. Yes, it's not that long but it is with a baby. 

Squirt is doing good. Though he likes to wake up around 3am and stay awake for 3 or so hours. And he doesn't seem to want to stop eating ever. 

Speaking of eating, I'm done breastfeeding. I kind of don't want to stop, but I do. I'm just tired of having to hide in a bedroom most of the day while I feed him. Not to mention it's an extremely messy bedroom with little room to move around because of 3 of us living in 1 room. Plus the constant eating. I feel like I feed him for an hour or more at a time and he's still hungry. And it still hurts some even though his latch is fine and he doesn't eat without a nipple shield (which is probably what's causing the pain since it feels like I've been rubbed raw). 

I'm just done feeling like I can't even fit in a shower. I guess things would be easier if we lived in our own place, but we don't. Add in that I'll be starting to wean in about 2-3 weeks anyway. I don't think I'll be able to go to training and come home then try to build my supply again. I don't think I'll have time to pump while I'm there so I'd have to temporarily wean, Squirt would need to be supplemented while I'm gone, and I'd have to build my supply up again when I got home.

I feel like I'm just constantly full of excuses but I can't deal with the stress anymore. I'm just happy I made it this long. 

Now I just have to figure out how to wean him. Maybe drop a feeding a day for a couple days and then drop another one. 

Anyway, postpartum. I'm seeing my stomach going down a little, but not much. Breastfeeding isn't doing anything drastic in the weight loss area from when I was formula feeding Little E. I actually pulled out the pants I bought for after Little E (I bought size 12 to start, then each size down after that till I fit my prepregnancy jeans again) and I'm just fitting in the size 12. So it's really not doing much. 

I did jog once so far this week. It was more like a shuffle and I walked when I wanted to for half a mile. But I felt great so I may do it again. I can't believe how bad of shape I'm in, but I have to start somewhere again. 

Weight tracker

Lost: 176.4lbs

Total: 19.6lbs

To go: 26.6lbs

No pictures this week, sorry. 

Jalee

Weight gain in pregnancy

I'm writing this to tell those mothers that seem to gain a lot of weight while pregnant no matter what they do to just ignore those who tell you otherwise. 

When I was pregnant with Litte E I worked out for an hour 5 days a week (I even ran until 17 weeks when it started to hurt). I ate well and I even cut things out of my diet. I gained 40lbs by the time I had him at 36 weeks. 

With Squirt I gained 46lbs even though I was active and I watched what I ate. 

Is it frustrating? Yes, especially since I'm used to always being in shape. I run, bike ride, etc when not pregnant. Even Little E loves going running or bike riding with me because I did so often with him (when he was old enough). 

I did, however, end up back into my size 4 jeans again after a few months of Little E being born, so I know I can lose the weight again. 

What gets to me are the ones that make it seem like if you exercise and eat right you shouldn't gain much weight. I'm here to say that that's not always the case. Everyone's body reacts differently to pregnancy and birth. Heck, I would have loved to have had a 30 minute birth like some people, but I'm not lucky like that. 

If you're one that's eating right and exercising when you can (when you don't feel sick or tired) then you are doing what you have to. You can get back into your prepregnancy jeans again. You can lose the weight. 

Quit stressing yourself out about something you only have so much control about. Enjoy your pregnancy, soon you'll have a newborn and will be tired but enjoying life. 

Jalee

Hospital bag: what I did/didn't use

Weeks before Squirt was born I had packed a hospital and diaper bags if you remember this post. I packed based on what I had found on other sites as well as what I remembered from the first time. Now I'm going to show what I didn't use that I packed and what I had wish I used.

The list from the hospital bag:

1. Always infinity heavy pads

2. Nursing cover

3. 4 sets of disposable breast pads

4. Lanolin

5. 2 sets reusable breast pads

6. Flip flops

7. Wallet and cash (for vending machine)

8. Small pouch with hair ties, bobby pins, 2 sizes of headbands, hair clip, chapstick, and lotion

9. Toothbrush and toothpaste

10. Hairbrush

11.Q-tips

12. Vaseline (for dry lips and skin if the lotion or chapstick isn't working)

13. Deodorant

14. Ponds face lotion

15. Heading home clothes (t-shirt and pants with a small stretchy band for early pregnancy)

16. PJs for hospital stay

17. Postpartum wrap

18. Underwear (that I can throw out)

19. 1 nursing tank and 1 regular tank (cheaper and I can turn it into a nursing tank)

20. Socks

21. Nursing bras

22. Slippers

23. Gum

24. Shower supplies (face wash, body wash, shampoo/conditioner, travel body puff)

25. Night time nursing bras

 

What I didn't use:

1. Pads: I ended up using the ones in the hospital (I asked for smaller size than the diaper kind). I did use 1 of my own pads for going home since it was a 30+ minute ride. So maybe pack 1 or 2 of your own.

2. Nursing cover: too awkward to add into trying to learn to breastfeed plus you can just ask people to leave. And I didn't care. I also wore a nursing tank under my shirt so not much was showing.

3. Disposable breast pads: I didn't leak at all in the hospital and I don't now (I use reuseable ones when I use lanolin now because it'll stain your clothes otherwise). If anything bring a set of washable ones in case.

8. Hair clip, chapstick, and lotion: I didn't need them this time. I did need the chapstick and lotion in the first hospital though, so you may need it.

11. Q-tips: I don't even know why I bothered with these

12. Vaseline: again, useless (though I could have used it during my first birth)

15. Pants: thankfully I thought to pack some maternity yoga pants the day of, because I didn't even feel like trying to put on pants, I just wanted to be comfy

17. Postpartum wrap: I honestly don't even use it now. I've worn it maybe 5 days.

18. Underwear: again, something I didn't even put on until I went home. You can just pack 1 or just forego it all together and use the mesh to head home in.

20. Socks: The day I went to the hospital I went in flip flops so I didn't even have sneakers to wear socks with

23. Gum: I didn't even bother with it.

 

So out of 25 items I brought I used only 14 of those items while in the hospital. Though there are a couple that I used when heading home, but they weren't desperately needed to go home in.

 

Out of the diaper bag I had packed:

 

1. Stroller straps and shoulder strap (they came with the diaper bag)

2. Binkies (AKA Pacifiers)

3. Pacifier strap

4. Hand sanitizer

5. Travel baby wipes

6. 2 size 1 diapers

7. 2 newborn size diapers

8. Cloth wipes (for covering boy parts during diaper changes)

9. Changing pad

10. Heavy blanket

11. Light blanket

12. 2 receiving blankets (for spit-up or whatever happens)

13. Muslin swaddle blanket

14. Wet bag (usually for cloth diapering but since we're not doing that as of yet this time I use them for dirty clothes)

15. 2 bibs (Little E constantly spit-up and I'd forever be changing him if he didn't wear a bib)

16. Winter hat

17. Gloves

18. 2 pair socks

19. 0-3 month sleeper

20. 0-3 month outfit

21. 0-3 month romper

22. Newborn sleeper

23. Newborn outfit with coat.

 

And since it'll be easier, what I did end up using:

 

12. Receiving blankets: used to cover him in his car seat

21. 0-3 month romper: he could fit NB size but wasn't too awkward in 0-3 month. We used the romper to bring him home in since it was hot outside and it was easy to dress him in. 

23. NB outfit: We didn't use the coat but we used the outfit to dress him in for pictures at the hospital.

You'll steal the diapers and wipes from the hospital anyway so you'll have some for the ride home. If anything a second outfit just in case.

As you can tell I could have fit everything in 1 bag and saved having an extra to carry down.

 

What I wish I had brought, however, was something else to wear in the hospital. I had cheap PJs from walmart and they weren't too comfortable. Something to sit on, Big E ended up bringing a boppy from home when he ran there so that I had something to sit on. Hospital beds aren't the greatest, even though mine had an inflatable pillow built in. Add someone that just took a beating on the end you sit on and it's not comfortable at all. I was in so much pain I was hunched over. The first night home was pure bliss compared to that. Bath towel the ones at the hospital were like a hand towel that it didn't do much.

 

 That's pretty much it for what I wished I had brought to the hospital. I'm not a very picky person and I deal very well with little, so if you like comforts than your list may be different than mine. This is just the bare minimum it seems like to me.

Jalee

2 week postpartum update

Week 2 has been fun to say the least.

Squirt had his 2 week checkup and is doing well. He wasn't up to his birth weight (8lb 11oz) but was close at 8lbs 10oz. He also grew 1/4" up to 21.5" long. I'm excited for my growing baby.

His sleeping is getting somewhat better. He's spent a few nights sleeping well (waking up every 3-4 hours, which is a nice change from Little E since he woke up every 2 hours until about week 6). He does have his moments where he wants to constantly eat for hours at night. I have a feeling I'm not producing much milk at night, I may have to start waking up at night and pump to get my supply to increase. He doesn't have this problem during the day with eating.

He's also been more awake. He still sleeps a lot, but he's spending more time awake and aware of his surroundings. I also swear that he smiles sometimes, but I doubt it since that takes till about 6 weeks usually.

Little E just celebrated his 3rd birthday.I can't believe it's been 3 years since the day he was born. He's getting so big. We built him a sand box (found plans on pinterest but we braced it better than them so it won't fall apart) and he loves it

Little E's sandbox

He also has a little stuffed pony doll that he has become attached to. He carries it everywhere and talks to it. When it comes to Squirt he's been great with him. I'm very proud, especially because I get worried that he's going to get jealous since I spend so much time feeding Squirt.

Big E didn't get the dream job he was trying for. He supposedly had it (a family friend works there and checked up on it) and then he didn't. The only guess is that someone higher up had a friend going for the job that didn't make it at first so the person wanted their friend there and it kicked him out of his slot. That just means it wasn't meant to be. So tomorrow he has an interview with the railroad and supposedly a security job is going to contact him. We're hoping something comes along. Especially one I'm applying for with the school here since I qualify. Which would be great since it doesn't start until August.

On my front I'm doing well. My pain has gone away. Breastfeeding is getting easier, but I don't think I'm producing enough at night. I've been pumping and am down to needing 284.5oz to store for the weeks I'm gone in June. I've decided to breastfeed until I go away in June and then I'll reevaluate what I want to do after that, whether that's switch to formula or continue breastfeeding or pumping. I'll have to see how the course is and if I can keep up pumping there so my supply doesn't tank.

My weight has been going down. In my picture from last week and this week I look less round but I still have work to do on weight loss.

1wk pp/ 2wk pp

It's a little depressing seeing my body like this since I'm used to being in shape, but I've lost the weight before. And when I look at my 2 week postpartum picture from Little E and the one from Squirt I'm doing better this time.

2wks pp Little E / 2wks PP Squirt

Exercise I haven't done much. Was planning to start a very easy jog/walk exercise this week (jog 30 sec and walk 2-5 min for 30 min) but the weather or just the timing hasn't been great. Will maybe try to start it on Monday.

Current weight: 177.5 (total loss: 18.5lbs)
To go: 27.5lbs

Jalee