Feeling down today

Day 5

Some days I feel completely bummed about having Squirt. One of the biggest reasons is because we're living with someone and not on our own. There's no nursery to set up and there's definitely not enough room for the basic of baby stuff (heck, there isn't enough room for just our basic stuff). Plus the added stress of money and if Big E will find a job. 

Then I feel almost like no one's really into this baby except me. There's no interest in him, nor am I expecting anyone to buy him anything. Which is fine, we'll buy it all, there isn't much anyway.  

I just wish sometimes there was some interest. 

And I can't help feeling like I have to act a certain way and I can't ever be comfortable. Yesterday I laid down because I was cramping, but I felt like crap because Little E was awake and Big E was watching him by himself. Any time I nap or am trying to relax, even. It's almost more exhausting than the pregnancy. I miss having that privacy when we lived on our own. And I know once Squirt is here I'm going to get very little plus maybe a lot of unsolicited advice. 

Plus, I can't wait for April to have my body back to myself, but I also don't want it to come. It's frustrating how I feel, but there's nothing I can do about it. 

I want Big E to find a job, I want our own home, I want to feel like I have privacy, I want to decorate a nursery, and I want the room to live as a family.

Maybe tomorrow I'll have something a little better to update about. Today I'm just feeling a little down. It doesn't help when I'm looking at houses on zillow or online but know we can't even go look at them because we can't purchase them. That was one of the biggest motivations of Big E getting out of the military. I know it hasn't been long but it's discouraging when you want to be able to do something right now and can't. I guess it's more waiting for us. 

I did cut the fabric to make a car seat cover today. It's a little off so I'm thinking of using the serger instead of the sewing maching. I need to cut the fabric for the swaddle blankets, but there isn't much room to do it and I lost my scissors so I need to figure something out. I might cut a cardboard box to try to get it as square as possible. 

Until tomorrow,

Jalee