I love it

I love those moments when you realize just how much of an idiot someone that's over you at work is. I get to experience this gem. Thankfully he's leaving. 

But the first thing I hated is that right out the door when I got there he treated me like an idiot. I'd be going to do something  and he'd stop me to tell me I needed to be doing that thing and then would explain it for 10 minutes. I'm not a flipping idiot. I hate people that micromanage like that too. 

Then I think I know more about him and his family than he did mine. He seriously loved to talk about himself. Which got really irritating. Especially when I'd say something to someone else and he'd jump in with his own personal story. I. Don't. Care. 

I really didn't care when he could have cared less that my baby was having surgery done and was talking about calling me up to do work while he'd be in surgery. Even if it was a joke (I don't think it was) that wasn't a time to joke. I was already stressing out about it. 

Then trying to knock me for something at work because of pregnancy. And how he didn't get it when I was like "what?"  And only believing it when someone else told him. And in the end he found a way to be an asshole and make my job performance look like crap because of paperwork that didn't go through till a certain time even though I was flipping working there. I regret not being a piece of shit during that time period now since that time didn't matter anyway. 

I'm so glad he's leaving. I can't stand people that are idiots and then turn around and treat you like that too. I have a good feeling he's doing it because I'm female too. I haven't seen him treat any of the males (or new males) like this at all. Not even close. Of course I have no proof so I have no case. 

I also loved when me and another person were talking and the guy was talking about going to birthday parties and buying drum sets for the kids. And in there said "fucking" and this dude came over and was talking about to remember our training. The training he said was training about sexual harassment. How talking about buying a drum set for a kid's birthday is sexual harassment I don't know. 

I really hate that people that are like that make more money than me. It's really irritating. 

Being Disappointed

Remind me never to promise my kids something and not follow trough with it. I hate it and it's just one disappointment after another.


I'm still waiting for my parents to come meet Squirt.


The first excuse was because we were living with my in-laws. Ok, I get that.


The next excuse was waiting until we unpacked. Which isn't completely done but it's done enough, and we don't have boxes laying around because the ones we still need to go through are in the shop/garage out back. So they're not in the way.


Now we were planning on them coming down while I'm gone. Granted, even if they wanted to come down for just a few days. I was excited, it was to help out Big E, and I've been telling Little E that they're coming down. Plus, Squirt will be almost 7 months old by they time they come down and finally meet him.


Plus, it's easier for them to come here than it is for me to travel with a 3 year old and infant and their car seats. We even offered to pay for the plane tickets.


Now we're just getting the run around. Shame on me for thinking anything would change this time around. They always do this. Just tell me you don't want to come down, don't get my hopes up every single time.


I'm getting the excuse now that they don't want to leave my sister and her family in the house that long. Then they'll see how the house looks. I know what'll happen next is that they'll wait till last minute and the ticket prices will double then we'll get the excuse that it's too much money.


Every time.


I'm half tempted to buy 2 plane tickets and tell them they have these tickets and if they want to come down it's there for them. Then see if they bother.


Except we don't have the money for that.


All I know is after this time I'm completely done. Now it's going to start affecting my children. Maybe when Little E was younger he didn't understand, but he does now and it's not fair of me to get him excited to see them because they promised to come and last minute they're not. I guess I can save him from that by just not telling him so, but oh well.


I give up.

I'm so frustrated

Sometimes I like to pretend everything is going fine and that I'm doing well. In reality, most of the time, I'm just extremely stressed out and wanting to cry. I feel trapped and I don't know what to do anymore.


I have a PT test coming up and when I should have been spending time working out, I haven't. I haven't spent as much time as I should be spending working out to pass this. Which means I'm going to fail and then I'm going to be stressed out. We have a treadmill, but by the time Big E comes home at night and I'm done with everything I just don't want to exercise. I'm so stressed out that all I want to do is relax and go to sleep. But even then I'm not able to.


You'd think I wouldn't be stressed out, but I am. I spend all day cleaning and constantly moving.
No one else takes the time to clean, or cook, or make coffee, or do the dishes, or the laundry, or even anything around the house. Everything that's been put away and unpacked is thanks to me. Big E can state that sometimes he does those things, but that's it. He does it sometimes. There's no consistency to help me out.


If I want some comfort. Clean clothes, coffee in the morning, dinner. I have to do it.


And I spend so much time constantly doing something. Either cleaning because our house is way too small and doesn't function. I hate I was talked into this house. This doesn't fix anything we had wrong where we rented prior to this. That place was just as small and had no room so there was just stuff everywhere. And we've brought that into our home.


I hate it. I can't walk anywhere without stepping over something. I can't keep it clean. I can't hide things because there's no damn closets or storage anywhere in this damn house.


Little E has decided lately that he doesn't want to poop in the potty anymore. So I spend time wiping him and cleaning up and washing underwear. And sometimes he pees his bed so that's even more time spent cleaning. Then I feel like he's always wanting or whining about something.


Then Squirt is still dependent so I have to spend so much time taking care of him.


The time I do get to pump for 30 minutes isn't without listening to whining, crying, and being even more stressed out.


I also hate the half finished projects. I wouldn't mind taking my kids outside so Little E can play on the swingset we got, but the thing is half finished. I'm tired of picking him up so that he can go down the slide because there's no stairs. Or that our closet isn't complete (no matter how many times I hear that we're going to do it tonight) so I can't put away any clothes. So I'm stuck digging through piles and piles of clothes to find anything to wear.


The kitchen is a mess. It's way too small and there's no storage for anything.


I just want to burn this house down some days.


Or run away.


Which ever.


There's nothing in this house that makes life easier. I can't just want to grab something and get it. I have to spend a lot of extra time searching or figuring out what to do with items.


I just want a functioning house. I want to have a day to breathe. I want someone to make my life easier.


Then Big E wonders why I don't want to go run on the treadmill (let's not talk about how the shop has a bunch of unpacked boxes too and stuff everywhere). I'm too tired mentally.


I can't do this anymore.


Most days I find myself questioning why I even stay. I just want to climb in the car and leave. But any help I'd have if I did leave I really don't have because other people in the family can't get their lives together.

I hate writing these posts

I hate writing these types of posts because I don't like to whine. Especially because everything happens due to choices you make.


But.


I'm so stressed out over money. I just went over our budget and after what my husband and I bring home after taxes we'll only have about $60 left. That's after all our bills and things like food and gas.


This month is even worse. I did our budget and because of things popping up (like the A/C, we cancelled the plumber) we're going to be $600 short. So that means groceries and something else are going on the credit card. Along with Big E's doctor bills, Squirt's doctor bills, etc. I can't take the stress of knowing we're building up so much debt.


And it's not like we have much to pay a month. It's just that together we bring home $2200/month.


We have no car payments. No student loans to pay. Nothing. Well, now we have credit card debt. Yet we still live paycheck to paycheck.


And I'd love to get off of WIC. I hate it. Especially because we have checks here and where I food shop there's only 1 person that can check you out (I guess store policy) so it's not only embarrassing but it takes forever so people behind you get annoyed. I just want to cry every time I have to go use the checks. And of course Big E doesn't deal with it so he just doesn't understand.


I know I need to find a job, I've been looking. But it's not worth it to go part-time unless I can find an overnight job that I can do while Big E is home. But then it may not be worth it because working at night and then having to be up all day with kids isn't going to be fun.


Plus I've applied to probably close to 100 jobs and been called for 3 interviews but haven't got anything. I can't even get a job at stupid lowe's. It's awful.


I can't wait till January when I mobilize so we can have some more money, but it's only a crutch. Once I get home after that I'll be back to searching for a job all over again. I can't deal with this stress. I just want it to be easier to live and to find somewhere to work.

I don't think more can go wrong

All I have to say is I am so glad we decided to pay for a home warranty.

First problem was the toilet that had plumbing that wasn't right. Big E fixed that. 

Then when he went and knocked the wall out and got to the water pipes so he can hook the fridge up he found out the previous owner must have tried to fix the pipes because instead of using copper he used metal pipes. So now there's a slight leak and it's rusting (which explains the very brief brown water when you first turn on the boys' tub). 

Then a couple nights ago (or yesterday morning since it was 4am) I woke up with Squirt because it was his time to eat and I noticed it was hot, so I went to lower the air and saw it was on 70 (which my father-in-law had to do when he was watching the kids while we were out because we normally keep it on about 73. my father-in-law likes it to be an ice box in his house, it drove me nuts when we lived there) so I thought maybe it was just me because I just got out from under blankets. Or maybe the power went off. So I sat in the chair in the living room to feed Squirt and Big E came out saying he was hot too and noticed the air wasn't working. Then tried 10 times to lower it to see if it'd work. Then went outside. I guess the compressor (?) might be bad. The fan is working. So we were stressed over that because that's more money thinking we'd have to pay for someone to come fix it.

Then I remembered we had a warranty, so we looked and saw it covers the air. Except each call someone comes out for is $75 (unless they fix something and it breaks again within 60 days then it's free). But $75 is better than what we would pay out of pocket (granted, if it's something little that we can just fix ourselves for less than $75 then we'll just fix it). So we called to schedule that (it's 24 hours but takes a day to get your request in) and we decided to just schedule a plumber to come out to fix the pipes. Even though Big E can do it, he's not 100% positive he can do it right so he doesn't want to mess it up, so $75 to know it's being done right is worth it. 

The A/C guy is coming out today but I don't know what time he's coming. I was hoping early but it doesn't look like it.

Thankfully we have 2 window units from when we lived in NY, but the one in the living room is only helping slightly since it's a big area. The other one is in Squirt's room since I worried about it being too hot in his room, and it's working great in there. Little E has a ceiling fan in his room (Squirt doesn't until we install it) so that's why I didn't put the a/c in his. But his curtains are dark too so I have them closed to try to help keep it cool too.

So, yea, we're having a great time in this house. It just made me upset last night and hate this place again. We haven't been able to really do much of what we wanted to do because of the random stuff we've had to replace instead now. And we're already over budget, and will be more because we need to get the shelving in the bedroom done so I can finally put clothes away.

Hopefully we're done after that. and we'll be about $1300 over budget after that's all done. And it barely looks like we did anything.

Yay for home ownership. I can't wait till I can just unpack and not have to deal with these problems anymore.

New home, already regretting it.

We finally closed on our home. It's not a bad place, but with 2 kids I'm regretting it. I regret letting Big E talk me into this one and not the one that was bigger with bigger bedrooms, even if it did have a smaller yard and no shop. I really don't care for the shop (which is probably just going to end up being for storage) and the smaller yard wasn't that much smaller.

We already had our first problem yesterday. The toilets here aren't very good at flushing. Like they barely flush. So we bought a new one for us at least and found out the plumbing was done wrong so had to fix that.

I've seen quite a few beetles in here and a spider which means we probably have to spray.

We didn't notice because there was a bed over it when we looked at the house but the guy cut a TV wire into the wall from outside. So that had to be fixed. Thankfully the cable guy unhooked it (since it's not set up for that many lines) and filled the hole up outside, so now we need to fix the hole inside.

I think the dishwasher is leaking. Hurray! Not really.

The kitchen is small. I'm already regretting it. I haven't even unpacked all the kitchen items yet and we're already running out of places to put stuff (and I don't have that much stuff). I have no clue where we're putting food. And walking into the garage to get stuff is going to get old.

There's no closets (besides the bedrooms) which means no storage. Again, why the shop will most likely become storage.

Plus, the cleaning company that came to clean the house did a horrible job. I really think they just ran a vacuum, mopped, went over the sinks and tubs really quick and any other surface you'd immediately see. When I was painting yesterday I saw old cobwebs near the ceilings. The insides of the cabinets were definitely not cleaned. The baseboards weren't cleaned either. Basically they didn't do a good job. I don't know if it's just because I used to clean houses and if we left a place looking like this we'd have to turn back around and clean it again. But, yea, it's kind of annoying.

Our realtor was nice, but she was only okay at her job. This house is the one we found. All the others she found for us only 1 was in our price range, the rest were $10-20k over our max budget, so that was out. I know that's not much money and we can offer less, but our max budget wasn't much to begin with. And she was just awkward. Like the day before closing we came to check the house and she was going through it like it was hers. We put in the contract we wanted the fridge and the first thing she said when she was in here was "at least they left the fridge" and then when I said we asked them to she admitted she didn't go over the contract again. Then she was looking in the fridge and complaining because there wasn't a light in the freezer side. Like a bulb is hard to buy, besides we bought a new fridge, this one is getting put in the garage for overflow.

Plus I was a little bummed. When my friend purchased her home she received a gift basket from her realtor. We didn't get anything. Which I thought was customary so I was looking forward to it in a way and was bummed when we got nothing. But I guess it more stems from me never getting a bridal shower. Or the first baby shower being cancelled and being told we'll do something and nothing never happened. Or this time being asked when we wanted a baby shower (or meet and greet thing) and I said we didn't need one but being told we're doing one and that didn't pan out either.

I guess I'll get used to it and once the stress of moving in is over I'll enjoy it more, but for now I don't. Plus, it's hard to get the house unpacked with a toddler that wants to make a mess and a baby that wants to be held a lot. Plus I have drill this weekend and I really do not want to go at all.

Again, I need a break.

Oh, and Big E getting grumpy because I want him to bring stuff in so I can unpack. I just want to get it done.

I was annoyed the day we moved in too. It was nice a lot of people came to help, but then I there were the family members that just came to see the house and were in the way of those that were helping move our stuff (like they couldn't come another time to see the place after we moved in). Or they were just walking through like they owned it. Or they wouldn't leave and I wanted to get things done, not entertain them.

I'm sorry, but if you're not going to help move things, unpack, or watch kids while I unpack then you don't need to be here on the day we're moving in. You need to wait until after we're done moving in.

Bah, I'm just grumpy. I'm sure part is hormones and the other is just frustration. I can't wait till we're done with moving and get to enjoy things again.

Is it time to move yet?

Tomorrow can't come soon enough. I'm over cleaning up after 5 adults and a toddler while trying to take care of that toddler and a baby. 

It'd be nice to wake up in the morning and there be no dishes in the sink. 

To make a cup of coffee or set up the pot the day before because no one else is using it. 

Be able to have LOCKS on the doors so my 3 year old can't go outside and bring mud in. Or just run outside without me knowing. 

Our kids can have separate rooms from us so if the baby is asleep then the toddler isn't jumping on the bed and waking him up. 

Not have to use the shower and toilet around toys and a potty seat. 

Not having to climb over things because we're living our of 2 rooms. 2 rooms that already had stuff in it so there isn't much storage. 

Just tomorrow. Tomorrow morning is the closing. And if we get beds or I find our inflatable mattress we can stay there tomorrow night. Even if we don't we just have to wait 1 day and that's it. 

So I've made a list of things we need and need to get done with $3,500. Unfortunately I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that we're not going to be able to change the floors out or replace the tile kitchen countertops with that budget. It kind if bums me out, but it is what it is. 

Instead we'll replace the cabinet doors in the kitchen, move the fridge, build a pantry, fix the areas that flood in the yard, change the locks, buy beds, buy bedding for the 1 bed, fix the crack in the foundation, paint, and fix the lawnmower (which is about $700). 

Plus we need to buy trash cans, cleaning supplies, cabinet pulls, a modem (well I just bought this and it was $15 less thanks to amazon warehouse), I'm sure some tools and other items. 

We do need a kitchen table but I think it'll be a while for that. And a treadmill that we'll most likely get off craigslist. Or a garage sale. 

We do have money in savings for this stuff, I just want to make sure we keep some savings just in case something breaks. And we really don't need a credit card payment due to having just enough in the budget a month for everything. 

Really, we have no play room money wise. 

I know that means me getting a job, I just can't seem to ever get one. And I've basically given up. I told Big E that I'm now being picky with when I work because I want to spend time with the kids and him before I leave. 

I may try to just get a part-time cashier job overnight at walmart or something. Unless they're not hiring for those hours. But this way we won't need childcare. It's the only thing I can think to do if they're hiring. 

But for now I'm just hoping to get a break somewhere. Sometimes I regret Big E getting out of the military since he had asked me if he should or not. I pushed him to. And we gave up living comfortably while being able to stay home with my children. 

Now we'll be struggling. I thought we'd have an easier time finding employment, but that didn't happen. 

But I guess it'll be one day at a time. One day we'll be making more money hopefully.