Grasping to my youth

Lately I find myself looking back in the depths of my memory to those times when I was young. I dream about my son playing baseball like I did so that I could watch him play. Or maybe even running track like me. Being a very involved child in sports and music. 

I find that I want those things back, but they're forever gone in my history. 

Some people desperately grasp to that youth by trying to slow down the process of aging. Starting a family late, looking for special creams to help, even resorting to surgery. 

Maybe youth equals a happier less stressful time in their life and they only remember it for the best. Hence the reason why they want to grasp to it so desperately. 

Or maybe it's a time when they felt the best about themselves. 

Whatever the reason they want that fountain of youth and never grow old. 

Today, however, I was able to really look at Little E and enjoy the youth he has. He's an intelligent little boy full of so much energy and innocence. 

I worry about his future when he grows older and that innocence is lost. But I dream about him being a fighter and enjoying his youth to the fullest. 

I think that was my reality check into adulthood (though I've been here a while) and suddenly realizing I can't slow down time. 

But I can sure enjoy it while I'm here. 

Preparing for baby: cleaning and set up

The past couple of weeks I've been going crazy with pulling out all the baby gear we have and cleaning it up for Squirt's arrival. Some stuff was a lot easier to deal with than others. The clothes and blankets went into the washer. The chew toys I soaked in bleach water to kill off any germs for now. But other things I had to soak in the bathtub because there wasn't another way to wash them. I did this once before with a stroller I bought at a consignment shop and the water ended up almost brown the first go around. I also did this with my military gear when I had to turn it in and make sure it was clean. I've also done it with parts of Little E's car seats to clean them.

Yesterday I spent about an hour cleaning the pack n play that we had. I received this from my mother while pregnant with Little E and was informed it was cleaned. Of course, I thought with her OCD she really scrubbed it, so I didn't do any further cleaning (plus I was working 12+ hour days). We only used it once for maybe 5 minutes with Little E however before packing it up and storing it away in his closet.

This was not a clean pack n play

Even though I had scrubbed all of Little E's baby gear before storing it, I've been washing it again after pulling it out. So yesterday I soaked the pack n play. I filled the tub with hot water, added some Tide free & clear detergent (I know other people use this special stuff or oxyclean but we had neither and I didn't want to spend money on anything new). I then put the pack n play in the tub and swished around a little then let it sit for about 30 minutes. Since the entire thing didn't get under water I ended up flipping it over and doing the same. Then I scrubbed it with a wash cloth (you can use a cleaning brush but we didn't have one of those either) and the water was a definite shade of yellow. Not brown like the stroller, but still enough to tell me it hadn't really been cleaned.

After scrubbing I just drained the tub, rinsed the pack n play off, and it's been drying over night in the tub.

A few days ago I had set up the room (but tore it down to clean the pack n play) and it's been a challenge to say the least. There's not much room in 1 room so we had to get creative on how we would store Squirt's things.

We had to get creative and still have more to do

So far the pack n play will fit next to the bed and by the dresser, we have a shelf case in the closet to organize some of Squirt's things, and his clothes are either in a box in the closet (the bigger sizes) or hanging on a clothes hanger that we found at Target. I still have a lot I want to do in there. On top of the dresser in a basket are burp cloths and receiving blankets. Then his swaddlers and swaddling blankets are on the dresser, as well as the protector pads (like a mattress protector just a lot smaller) and his diaper caddy. I'm thinking when I move the every day items out of the shelves I'll put the wipes and diapers in there (they're currently in a dresser drawer) and put the swaddling stuff and pads there instead to clear up some more room.

We've also talked about getting a mini crib instead of using the pack n play, so if we can get the 25% off from the trade-in even at Toys R Us (they take the baby items too and there's no Babies R Us here) it'll be worth getting. Though I keep going back and forth on whether I really want to spend the money on one. It would be nice to have an actual crib, and our full size crib from Little E has a broken slat most likely due to him kicking it. So while I'd feel safe with using it as a head board for a bed for Little E, I don't feel safe using it for a baby no matter how much Big E says he can fix it.

As much as I can go on about this stuff, I think I'll end it here. Until I update again.

Jalee

An entire new blog

So I've decided to take this blog from every day events about nothing to something more informative.

As you know Big E and I are currently living with his parents due to Big E getting out of the Army (his contract was up and he didn't reenlist). We decided on this move together as, even though we were living well in the military life, it wasn't the greatest. He started his military career in the National Guard, went to AIT (specific training for what you'll be doing in the military) over the summer and by the time he got home in August he was told he was leaving in 2 weeks to train for deployment and then deploy. At that time we got married and 5 days later he left for 2 months of training, came home for a week in October and was gone again for 12 months to Kuwait.

In 2008 I graduated college and went into the Army full time for 3 years. During that period Big E decided that he was going to switch to active duty Army, which he did, but he had to change his MOS (specific job). So that meant after I had spent 3 months away doing my training he then went away for about 3 months for his training. He got home and about 2 months later deployed to Iraq for 12 months. The last 3 months of his deployment I was deployed to Afghanistan for a year.

Than Little E came and that's when our idea of what we wanted to do with our careers changed. Big E was working from 12 noon to 12 midnight or later every night. So he'd stay up until Little E would wake up, usually about 1-2am to feed him and rock him. This was the only time Big E would get with his son usually unless Little E stayed home from daycare on Big E's day off. I, on the other hand, would be up at 4:30am to get myself and Little E ready for work/daycare, go to work all day, get home around 6pm and feed him. After that Little E would usually go right to bed and I would make some dinner, get bottles and his bag ready for daycare the next day, and whatever else I had to do, then hopefully be in bed by 11pm. So Big E and I barely saw each other either, it was rough.

When Little E turned 6 months old I came off active duty and went reserves. This meant I got to be a stay at home mom. It was nice, but in that time period we had Big E away at WLC (more training), ALC for 2 months, and going in the field for 1 weeks, then out of the field for 1 week, then back in for 1 week (that lasted for 3 months). Plus the added odd work hours. Then he deployed again for 9 months to Afghanistan. He was barely around for Little E the first 2 years of his life due to the constant away from home and the very long hours he worked.

When Big E returned from deployment this past summer is when we were definitely sure he wasn't going to reenlist. Little E needed someone to be constant since I'd be away for training sometimes with the reserves (and while Big E was deployed Little E had to go stay with someone else to take care of him). Now he's be on leave since December (which is when we moved back to our home state and in with Big E's parents) and his contract will come up this month. Also, in that time Squirt has become a reality. After a lot of scares and not thinking the pregnancy would last, it seems like it is now (as I will be 31 weeks tomorrow).

Even though Big E has been looking for a job since the holidays ended he hasn't been offered an interview as of yet. We're waiting on a couple that would be ideal, but even about 20 others he would do just because we need the income. So at the moment we're a little strapped for cash and trying to prepare for a baby. Thankfully, through me and the reserves, we have health insurance and some money coming in (as well as unemployment) so we're not terribly off.

But, due to money constraints, we've had to get creative where Squirt is going to sleep. How we're going to teach Little E as there's no money for preschool at the moment (the cheapest is $450 a month), and wondering what we'll do to save money.

I want to take this blog to our struggles through that. How we're going about setting up for Squirt. How I'm planning on teaching Little E so he isn't behind. And maybe some other things as I think them up. Hopefully it'll help others that may be in our situation or find themselves in the situation later on in life.

Jalee

Comparison pictures

Yesterday I took pictures of my stomach at 30 weeks. Last time I was pregnant the last pictures I took were at 30 weeks. I can't tell if I'm much different this time but I hope so. Little E is the left photos and Squirt is the right.

Today we started to try to get the room together and everything just got overwhelming. There's literally not much room in here for us, a baby, and all the stuff. I'm really hoping to figure something out. Maybe using baskets hanging on the walls to put Squirt's things in. We'll see how it comes out. Tomorrow is more working on it. 

Jalee